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by Plagious 

Posted: 19 August 2005
Word Count: 157
Summary: An early metaphysical dabble.
Related Works: Daroch I • 

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inhale and slowly blow
the pearls fall from the quicksilver trees
splashing into the mirror of life
dissolving behind a fading curtain
of darkness
yet, reflected on the glimmering surface
the sky stretches itself out for sacrifice
arching like an unwilling offering . . .

and from the east the night rises
dark tentacles slithering over the countryside
so that only the owl remains
silently watching
two dark pools seeing all
and shrieking
it darts
and tears its prey to pieces
discarding the unsavoury brain and guts

the tiny skull falls into the shadow
its fearful eyes frozen in terror . . .
regarding the rustling night
as whispers of dread swirl through the trees
impaling the simple blood
dashing it with spite
splenetic to the core
casting it into the bottomless pool
of abhorrence and hate
the simple self
curling and screeching
and crying
as invisible claws
cut into its flesh
as they drag it under

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Comments by other Members

Ticonderoga at 00:26 on 20 August 2005  Report this post
Rich imagery based, it seems, on accute observation; tiny details are used, which many writers would overlook, to build, almost as if by stippling a canvas, a delicately vivid picture. But then the brush-strokes become heavier, darker and more violent, taking the poem into, true to nature, much more unsettling territory. One tiny quibble - can blood be impaled? Fine piece.



Plagious at 16:50 on 20 August 2005  Report this post

Really appreciate the comments. Thank you!

As for whether, "blood can be impaled", of course you are right, it cannot. However, this was written to depict the corruption of innocence in the metaphysical sense, so the use of "blood" is not literal. Perhaps, consider it more as a young sentient self.

Not a good example, but the best I can think of to illustrate another use of the word, in the movie, "Prizzi's Honour", the word "blood" is used to depict kin / relatives.


Ticonderoga at 18:31 on 20 August 2005  Report this post
In that case, no problem; I did wonder, but didn't want to impose a thought on you. It's a very fine and time-honoured usage.



miffle at 21:33 on 22 August 2005  Report this post
'Splenetic' is a word I have never heard before, I like it, very fleshy - and I like the textures and fascination with light in this piece.

A thought: I like stanzas two and three very much, I'm not so sure about the first. I love the first line of the second stanza and I almost hear it as a first line for the poem (?) i.e. the real poem ( the owl/ the tiny skull) for me begins with the dark energy of this line - I find it a 'shiver down the spine line'.

Another thought: I thought about scents and smells in relation to the poem, perhaps you could bring more of this sense to the poem (?).

Enjoyed, Kind regards, nikki


And I am intrigued by the title, which sounds mythic to me, but I haven't looked it up yet!

Plagious at 23:40 on 22 August 2005  Report this post

Thank you for observations. Very incisive and helpful!

The first stanza was more to set the scene, using a mix of alchemical and Nietschean symbolism. Was not sure how I could start otherwise?

"Splenetic", has an interesting duality. It means, "spiteful", but has an older usage referring to someone full of melancholy.

The title refers to the eye / seeing, but I spelt it with a 'k' so it do not seem to be about a pair of glasses, so no mystery here!

As for adding scents and smells. Part of me would want to be clever and say the writing exists in an incorporeal world without these senses, but in truth, by craft is too limited to describe them. Something for me to work on!


Plagious at 23:49 on 22 August 2005  Report this post
Sorry. Line two, last para, should read, "my craft"

miffle at 12:34 on 23 August 2005  Report this post
Plagious, thank you for your enlightening thoughts - I won't be forgetting splenetic in a hurry! Nikki


Oh, and I meant to say the poem has an incantory feel.

Account Closed at 22:17 on 17 September 2005  Report this post
Wonderfully gory! Loved the slow-burn start up to the "kill" (sorry!). I think there are three "it's" where they should be "its" but typos can easily be sorted. A very sinister piece.



Plagious at 17:56 on 18 September 2005  Report this post
Hi Anne - thank you for reading and the comments
on 'typo's'. Are they? 'It's' is either used to
express; belonging to, or an abbreviation of, 'it is'.
In stanza 2, the belonging is to the 'owl'.
In stanza 3, it is first belonging to the 'tiny skull', the second, to the 'simple self'.
I am very happy to correct grammar, but have I
used it poorly? Advice always appreciated!


cust at 20:36 on 30 September 2005  Report this post
You do need its rather than it's - its is the possessive form and it doesn't work to use the other, even allowing for poetic licence!


Plagious at 00:20 on 01 October 2005  Report this post
Hello Lucy

Feel suitably ganged up on, so have made the changes recommended! Other than grammar, was the piece ok?


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