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Archive » hailfabio » Work
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Trees

by hailfabio 

Posted: 11 August 2005
Word Count: 11
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Silent static trees;
still work harder than bees,
letting us breathe






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joolsk at 10:51 on 11 August 2005  Report this post
Hailfabio,

I've had a very busy morning at the office and reading this tiny elegant piece made me feel like I'd taken a break from the daily grind.

It always amazes me how evocative words can be and your little 11 painted an enormous picture in my mind.

Thanks!

Jools
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hailfabio at 10:59 on 11 August 2005  Report this post
Glad you enjoyed it Jools. Trees are so relaxing and calming.

I'm also having a busy office day so this is a welcome break.

Thanks

Stephen
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Account Closed at 09:11 on 12 August 2005  Report this post
Bees! I love 'em! A very refreshing piece - might it be better allowing the flow a little more movement by removing the capitals and juggling the punctuation? - so you get:

Silent static trees;
they work harder than bees,
letting us breathe


Just a thought!

LoL

A
xxx
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lieslj at 12:32 on 13 August 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen,

I really connected with the intention here and enjoyed its gentle simplicity.

I wondered why the capitalisation of the first line. The other questionable word was the 'they' at the beginning of the second line. I think you could get a more interesting syllable into the haiku for your money's worth.

Warm wishes
Liesl
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hailfabio at 10:49 on 15 August 2005  Report this post
Anne, Liesl, thanks very much for the feedback. I've had a fiddle with it.

Stephen
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Barlow at 17:31 on 15 August 2005  Report this post
I love trees too Stephen, so really enjoyed this piece and am amazed how much you have conveyed in such a few words. Most effective.
Keep writing.
Best wishes,
Barlow
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