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Natural Journey

by hailfabio 

Posted: 08 August 2005
Word Count: 56
Summary: Walking through Forrests brings so many thoughts to mind. How nature is more powerful than anything. The stars are so much brighter in the country, I can look at them for hours.

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Come golden electric chair
Take me through the corridor of trees
Up the gravel escalator
So I can gaze up to the stars
Through the sky
Connecting the dots
A kaleidoscope of perls
The size of worlds
Receiving light from the past
Fuelling my questions
For my imagination to answer
There's no right or wrong here

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Comments by other Members

joanie at 18:53 on 08 August 2005  Report this post
Stephen, where I live, the stars are just glorious, although, unfortunately, as more street lights keep getting erected, it's going worse. I can really relate to this; I am reminded of the lunar eclipse and watching the Northern Lights. Very evocative. Lovely.


James Graham at 19:08 on 09 August 2005  Report this post
Though you tell us it was inspired by walking in the forest, your first three lines have an amibiguity about them. A reader with maybe a more literal mind could visualise (as I did) a mountain chair-lift. Someone else might conjure up a more dream-like form of 'transport'. The description is poised so that the imagination could play with either or both.

In the rest of the poem, some lines are well worth a mention. 'Through the sky' brings out that assumption we all have, that you look up at the sky as if it were some kind of barrier between us and space. Because of that conditioning we have,'Through the sky' comes as a surprise.

'Connecting the dots' is a very good touch, suggesting lots of things - we feel childlike when we look at the stars; we look for form and design in the universe; there are actual patterns to be found, some of the dots have been joined to make the zodiac signs; etc.

The abstract thoughts at the end follow naturally this time and don't seem at all forced as in your first version of 'A Time to Reflect'. You do it in the line 'fuelling my questions' which links the stars - the 'light from the past' - to your thoughts. This is a poem that works well.


hailfabio at 19:39 on 09 August 2005  Report this post
Thanks James and Joanie. Your comments are very pleasing. I think I achieved good balance here.

Its amazing how you don't really see the stars in the towns and cities.

I added 2 lines late, 'perls' and 'worlds'. Hope they work.


James Graham at 20:21 on 09 August 2005  Report this post
Those two extra lines...mmm, not sure. 'Receiving light from the past/Fuelling my questions - these two lines seem to be inseparable.


hailfabio at 00:18 on 10 August 2005  Report this post
I agree

engldolph at 10:53 on 13 August 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen,

I too had the image of being swept upward in a ski lift (the first line has that exuberance), up through trees to the open sky ..I've done that a few times in my life when going skiing at night...

I liked the last line a lot:
There's no right or wrong here ... seemed to sum it up well.

Didn't know what a "perl" was...do you mean "pearl" ?


hailfabio at 18:47 on 13 August 2005  Report this post
ah yes thanks....... my spelling is terrible.


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