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Too Short

by Milou 

Posted: 05 August 2005
Word Count: 316
Summary: A very rushed piece for the challenge!


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The rope was too short. He’d secured one end round a post and slung it over the wall, but it still dangled thirty feet above the rocks. He could see the end of it writhing in the wind, lit by the pale luminescence which seemed to be coming from the froth of the waves crashing on the shore below. There was no other way. He tried to gauge how far out the water became deep enough to break his fall, but beyond the white of the breakers the darkness was complete.

He swung a leg over the wall, and with his eyes on the one window in the dark mass of the tower behind him which blazed with light, he began to descend. His foot slid off a wet stone and he fell several feet, the palms of his hands erupting into burning agony as he slowed himself with the rope.

Then there was no more rope between his knees. Above him the fiery glow of the window looked brighter, like a hole through the night into a sunny day. He looked below. Waves thrashing like a violent fog over the rocks, and beyond them the calm blackness of the sea. He bounced away from the wall still clutching the rope, again and again, wider each time. The window in the tower swayed above him like a waving torch. Before letting go he looked up at the black shape who had appeared against the light. It was square, with no discernable neck or head, but he knew it was watching him. He released his grip on the rope and the waves were suddenly silenced as he traversed the blackness. He couldn’t tell if he was falling away from the tower or towards it. It was above and below. The pale waves were a froth of waving corpses, and something dark reached out to welcome him back.







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Comments by other Members



SamMorris at 18:56 on 05 August 2005  Report this post
Hi Milou,

I really liked the atmosphere, and the sense of tension. I loved the frothing corpses. I take it he didn't make it!

Sam

Jumbo at 22:20 on 05 August 2005  Report this post
Milou

There's a real sense of tension in this - especially as he hangs from the end of the rope above the waves. I wasn't sure what (or who) the black shape in the window was. And whether it was that same black shape that caught him as he fell.

Unlike Sam I took it that whatever was in that tower recaptured him - but I'm still not sure.

Spooky, scary writing.

All the best

jumbo

crowspark at 08:38 on 06 August 2005  Report this post
Very spooky Milou, and vertiginous!

Wasn't sure whether a black shape should be a "who" or an "it"?

Great ending, "The pale waves were a froth of waving corpses, and something dark reached out to welcome him back."

Bill

Bianca at 16:48 on 07 August 2005  Report this post
I found I was holding my breath whilst reading this piece.

I am not sure if he was escaping the corpses or the black shape.

Whatever is correct, it was a gripping read (no pun intended)

Shirley

Anj at 19:32 on 07 August 2005  Report this post
Milou,

This immediately had my total concentration, filled with suspense. I loved the imagery, especially "like a hole through the night into a sunny day". I didn't initially realise he was at the top looking down, don't know if that's just me or something that needs clarifying, and I wasn't quite sure what actually happened to him in the end .... but still a (sorry to you, and to Shirley ;) ) a gripping read.

Andrea

Dee at 21:21 on 07 August 2005  Report this post
Ssssscary!

Milou, this is fabulous. My heart was racing by the time he got to the end of the rope.

And a killer last line.

Dee


bjlangley at 12:16 on 09 August 2005  Report this post
Hi Milou, great atmosphere in this piece. Loved this line: "Waves thrashing like a violent fog over the rocks." The ending is effective, with the idea that there is no escape, and the black figure was intriguing.

All the best,

Ben

lieslj at 05:21 on 14 August 2005  Report this post
Hi Milou,

This feels like a wonderful introduction. I want to read more. It doesn't quite feel resolved because I feel you're launching your narrator on a journey, not bringing him to an end.

Don't know if that makes sense!

Best
Liesl


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