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Here
Posted: 04 August 2005
Word Count: 62
Summary: A short poem, about 'love' I think, whatever that is .................
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Here
In this place you are
A flower and I a bee
Softly deftly cramming
My velvet body in
In this place
I am the sun
Shining like lemon juice on a
Blue plate
And you
A white cloud floating
Across me melting
Into the distance of our love
In this place we
Are breakers on a
Beach of stars
Shining together
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Comments by other Members
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 Ticonderoga at 13:56 on 05 August 2005
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Some lovely images here; I really like the slight fragmentation in the structure, so the reader has to grope a little for the image, as though participating with the writer in the creation of the poem. Fine piece.
Best,
Mike
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Beanie Baby at 21:46 on 11 August 2005
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This is quite seductive and beautifully expressed. I like
In this place we
Are breakers on a
Beach of stars
It is just so romantic and gorgeous.
Heart-fluttering stuff.
Beanie
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olebut at 09:49 on 12 August 2005
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I especially loved this image of lemon juice on a blue plate
In this place
I am the sun
Shining like lemon juice on a
Blue plate
And you
A white cloud floating
Across me melting
Into the distance of our love |
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it conjures up a very special love I like the structure and the apparent simplicity of what is a complex and beautiful poem thank you for sharing it although I would ditch the cpaitals at the beginning of each line I again think it spoils the structire and flow. I hope you will stay 'here' for a long time
take care
david
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Felmagre at 11:49 on 12 August 2005
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I have to say I think it is simply perfect the way it is, indeed, the spacing and capitals add to it as far as I - in my humble opinion- believe.
This is such a gentle whilst at the same time evocative poem.
Thank you.
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Souchong at 10:52 on 06 September 2005
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i have been watching bees recently. bees on bramble bushes work hard but don't have to get too involved - they just hover around the surface of the flower for a bit then fly off. on holiday elsewhere though i watched bees disappear right inside the trumpets of enormous exotic flowers, so you couldn't see them til they backed out, carefully. i was fascinated.(i hadnt even known that bees could go backwards lol) and then back home read your poem, and thought ..hey, i saw that...
so thank you.
as everyone has said, beautiful images in a poem that works at different levels - shy and seductive.
best wishes
souchong
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