Login   Sign Up 



by Dorothy P 

Posted: 21 July 2005
Word Count: 103

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

He told me once that every day with me
was like a dream.
My heart should have sung,
but I thought only of what, with another,
might have been.
I wanted a life filled with joy and joking,
instead each day my small hopes were steadily broken.
I started to sleepwalk through the day,
it seemed the easiest to keep the pain at bay.
That overwhelming passion became just a mirage,
what we were chasing merely a reflective image.
How can it be that once we were so sure, so pure?
But for the adulterated mess inside me now
there is no cure.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Ticonderoga at 16:59 on 21 July 2005  Report this post
This is basically very strong, and moving, but, in my opinion, suffers from too many syllables, especially per line, reducing its pithiness.

Perhaps.....(for example)

He said that every day with me was like a dream

(giving you a basic 6-beat line to work from)

This might stop some lines spilling out of the poem; just a thought. Fine piece.



To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .