Marble Hill by PhillC - WriteWords.org.uk

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Marble Hill

by PhillC

Posted: 06 July 2005
Word Count: 9

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Broken evening clouds
Concede freckled sunlight
Remember to breathe

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joanie at 22:27 on 06 July 2005 Report this post

Hi Phill. Mmmm.. I'm thinking and re-reading. Was this written this evening? I get the distinct impression that it was. I love the last line and I don't know why. This is a lovely haiku, expressing that breath-taking moment when you look at the sky and just wonder at it. (Which is just what Haiku is about, I think.) I would put a lower case 'c' on the second line and a full stop at the end of that line, but it's your decision - personal preference!

Lovely.

joanie

<Added>

Oops! I just looked again at the title. I need to get a lot better on titles! Brilliant metaphor.

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PhillC at 09:20 on 07 July 2005 Report this post

Thanks for comments Joanie.

Yes the Haiku was written last night. Infact written isn't quite the right word, it just sort of came to me.

The title worked out quite perfectly I thought. To give the game away, the park I was walking in is Marble Hill Park in Twickenham.

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The Walrus at 14:36 on 07 July 2005 Report this post

I love this, particularly the last line - three words that for me convey a very powerful feeling. 'Conceded speckled sunlight' - superb!

Christina

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