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by Lawrenco 

Posted: 23 June 2005
Word Count: 86
Summary: A mind search for the better and more human level of existence is always prefered.

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We were offered ourselves in distraction,
-like two expanding atomically.
was to late.
Had we become special to each other?

Then contracting back realising our similarity,
it didn`t seem apparent at first.
you can reflect,
assume that you are


by thought by another.

The different levels in life offered a plateau of percptions,
The mind citadel,where you can create, act convert into reality.

A glimpse of heaven so we can understand the hell we or others ilive in.

Like someone held a

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 11:59 on 25 June 2005  Report this post

Sorry for delay - not only not getting automated notification, but your upload didn't knock George off the top of the list.

The words are perfect. I would have altered the punctuation somewhat, and corrected the few typo errors, but it still reads like a good heartfelt piece.

I am hoping the ending is intended, because it leaves the reader to fill in their own words - an extremely clever devise when it works, as it does here.

You should be rightly proud of yourself for this one. In a few days time, why not look at it afresh and touch up the typos and punctuation to polish it more?


Lawrenco at 01:01 on 26 June 2005  Report this post
Hi Paul ,
many thanks for your reply I have noticed the poem isn`t complete having problems with uploading etc. Yes typos etc, will sort out .My experiencing technical problems is very frustrating.

jewelsx at 16:26 on 27 June 2005  Report this post

This poem is beautifully written. Sorry to hear about your technical problems, when will we get to see the rest of this piece, i will look forward to it.

All the best

PS paul is right you should be proud of this one.

gard at 19:06 on 17 August 2005  Report this post
HI lawrenco

waiting for the end..... I like this piece there are a few typos. (to should be too and also perception. Nice one. It is less primary that your other work. Is there a reason?


blp at 17:29 on 20 September 2005  Report this post
I love it. It's like a light rain landing on a pond. But I don't like 'the mind citadel', which seems pompous - especially alongside the wonderful simplicity of a lot of the language. Resorting to heaven and hell to make a point seems, similarly, both lazy and overblown.

Sorry to go on about it because I know it's not intentional, but that uploading problem really has created a lovely end line.

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