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by jadeddreamer 

Posted: 14 June 2005
Word Count: 292
Summary: I have fallen out of the habit of writing and I am making a very ungracious attempt to return while juggling a few boulders life has thrown. Feedback is always welcome, just remember rusty, lots of penicillian rusty :)

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I have to say you caught me off guard
Unaware; mask over my eyes
Although I have to admit I am surprised
My heart has faced the cannibal
And survived

I believed in you, in us; stood by your side
You would think I would know better
Since this trek I have already made
The path is well traveled,
My footprints already set for me

Somehow I can look around and see remnants of you
Memories, miniature movie clips invade my life
Your presence haunts my dreams
Turns my moods; like our relationship
From red to green to blue.

You said - you told me
I was your muse
Inspiration, a vision
The gold paint on your palette
Your choice hue

One day -
One I never thought I would see
I saw the canvas you painted
Black and white
Crept off the side; bled over into the sea

Tell me when you discovered
The night no longer held a guiding light
When the vehement motion of the sea
Capsized, crushed and sunk
All hopes and dreams

I want to know
Who gave you the right
To set what we had afloat
To make those decisions
And to leave me reeling
I wasn't even given a choice

I suppose in retrospect
Everything is meant to be
I could have lost more
I could have gazed at the mirror
And realized the person there wasn’t me

My soul could have been contaminated
And you - the disease
No regrets or what-if’s exist
My only one true wish
The lesson taught, not be so harsh

That canvas of Black and White
Now holds several shades of gray
Doubt, uncertainty persist
Shadows cast with no escape
Even in the brightest sun, will they ever erase.

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 14:58 on 14 June 2005  Report this post
Welcome to WriteWords,

You might have "fallen out of the habit of writing" but there doesn't seem much you have forgotten. The only thing I would sy about this piece - being an introduction to you on this site - is that a shorter poem will probably get more feedback, as most on WW site are a bit pressed for time. I have just part-instigated the Long Poem group because a few of us saw the need for it, and because I for one not only write the occasional long poem, but have more time than most to digest one uploaded from other folk.

With this piece, you have either remembered to do many things right, or else you do them naturally. I also like the minimalist punctuation, though I am uncertain whether some of the semi-colons are warranted.

Even though this piece stands by itself, I believe it could be further distilled to a tight, polished piece.
Please write more. Join WW as a full member; join a group and get to know the others in it.


jadeddreamer at 15:10 on 14 June 2005  Report this post
Thanks for your time and feedback! To be quite honest it never started this long but apparently I had a lot to say. I agree with the semi-colons, my feeble attempt to construct a melody rather than proper usage. I am seriously considering joining and look forward to posting more as well as reading more!

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