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If Only

by Imran 

Posted: 09 March 2003
Word Count: 66
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Fear of sanity
Imprisons men in their minds
Robs their brothers of salvation and cure
Takes toll on a tortuous world

If only men share
Not of their purses
But of their thoughts
Of their exclusive perspectives

If only protection of image
Was not the principal concern
But the wellbeing of thy neighbors
Priority would humble itself to share in seclusion

Wills would be firm
Compassion concrete
Brotherhood bolstered
Humanity would rather smile
Than snigger in salutation






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Comments by other Members



llydstp at 11:28 on 01 May 2003  Report this post
Imran, I too wish that the world was the way you would like it to be.......if only.

Your poem is obviously a cry from the heart - I only hope that you have not experienced too much personal suffering.

Your words ache with longing for people to change; to get away from caring only about themselves.

If I have a criticism, it is that some of your words are possibly too clever. For example, I do not understand: "Priority would humble itself to share in seclusion." This language is far too dense for a simple soul like me, and it almost put me off from commenting on your poem. It was the strength of your sentiments that won out in the end however, and I wish you well with your future writing.

You write from the heart and that is commendable.

Best wishes

Steve
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

Tina at 11:43 on 29 September 2003  Report this post
Imran
this is a powerful piece and full of energy/ imagery
it works for me and my favourite line is the one commented on above
- priority would humble itself - etc.
this writing feels clean and clear and not hung up in any one space or on any one identity
i really enjoyed it
thanks
Tina
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

Tina at 11:43 on 29 September 2003  Report this post
Imran
this is a powerful piece and full of energy/ imagery
it works for me and my favourite line is the one commented on above
- priority would humble itself - etc.
this writing feels clean and clear and not hung up in any one space or on any one identity
i really enjoyed it
thanks
Tina

<Added>

sorry you seem to have this twice for some unknown reason!
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)


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