**

His breathe was heavy. His voice half broken, he was just a teenager. I must have seemed calm... because he swore at me.
"GUILTY!! YOU GUILTY FUCKER!"
But I wasn't calm... I was terrified, I didn't understand and I was alone. I felt his breathe on my neck, he spat on me. I felt the spit trickle down towards my back. I didn't move. I didn't understand. Mum told me this would happen. She told me to be careful. But he was just a teenager.
"YOU FUCKER!"
He hit me. I smelt blood. I felt it. It was itchy. I almost cried but then I remember mums voice again.
"Never cry. Don't ever let them see, don't ever let them know..."

**

Kuda, she's my sister. She's the oldest and she looks after me. I have accepted that I am not quite like other people. I don't think its fair, but lifes not fair. At least thats what Kuda tells me.
Kuda doesn't stay in as much as she used to though... she's out most of the time. Mum says thats normal, a girl of her age wants to be out with her boyfriend and not with her little brother.
"Is your boyfriend nice?"
"He's so fit!"
"fit?"
"Beautiful..."
"What makes someone beautiful?"
"Um, good features... nice eyes, a nice smile..."
"Am I beautiful?"
"You're gorgeous..."
"Do I have nice eyes?"
"The best!"
"What do they look like?"

**

He mumbled curses under his breath and gritted his teath. I heard each whisper that his young voice made, and each of those whispers ehoed in my head, slowly knawing at my sense of security. What was I doing here?

**

My Mum always told me but I never listened.
"Whether I can give you a reason or not, whether you understand it or not, you must know and accept that people will always hate you"
I did know, not straight away... but I learnt. I never accepted it though, how could I?


**

He had taken me from the street. I was that vunerable. He offered to help me cross the road. I was that naive. Mum always said that was biggest weakness. Trusting people. Now his breath was heavy and his grip tight, I needed my mum, or Kuda. I needed someone in my group

**

Mum was always that gentle voice in my life, Kuda was more bold. "Its because they think your dirty"
"Dirty?"
"Yeah - dirty, they think your dirty, I'm dirty, mum, pa, all of us"
"Do they think your boyfriend is dirty"
"Yeah"
"Is he?"
"Hunny, he looks just like you"
"Am I dirty?"
"No... no hunny, you're beautiful just the way you are"
"Then why?"
"I wish I could explain it to you... in life, people will hate you and you won't ever fully understand why"
"Because I'm dirty"
"Because your black"
"Whats black?"

**

He pushed me to the floor. Maybe he'd leave me here. Kuda said they wouldnt have the guts to do anything more.
"You know what you are you stupid shit? Your filthy..."

**

My school is special. We went to the gallery. A special one that has a voice that explains everything. My teacher told me that a colour is a different shade of light. There are lots of colours. Pink, Blue, Green. I wish I could see them.

**

Kuda was wrong. He beat me so hard and I didn't know where to move to. I didn't know where I was. I screamed but not for help, I screamed out of pain. I knew that wherever he had taken me, it wouldn't have any of my group. He took me where he thought was clean. If I screamed I'd only attract white people. I don't know what white people look like. My teacher says that white is clearest colour there is. I asked her if that meant it was the cleanest. She shouted at me. Black is the darkest colour there is.
He shouted at me, I turned to the direction of the voice but saw nothing. I closed my eyes and saw nothing. They say that you see a light before you die. I was bleeding. Blood was red. I knew when there was blood. I smelt it.