Do you know I really do wish Minke whales had bazookas, you know just so they could blow the gonads off those fuck-witted, harpoon blasting Japanese Palookas.

I wish dogs in Korea, would give those Korean bastards that eat them gut wrenching intestine burning sulphuric acidic diarrhoea… that might change their fucking medieval barbaric eating ideas.

And those cute white furry baby seals. Come on I ask you… why didn’t Mother Nature give them real eardrum bursting squeals. I mean that would turn those Norwegian ice pick-wielding twats about on their heels.

And as for terrified Cats, sitting in cages out the back of Szechwan Caff’s, waiting to be skinned and fried alive in deep oil filled vats… I mean for fuck sake…give those little darlings hobnailed bats…show those fucking Chinese Wang-kers where it’s all at.

And you… YES you with your ‘Dave, I just want to hear those three little words,’ ultimatums.

I’m surprised at you standing by the door, tears in a suitcase ready to go, telling me that I can’t express my deepest feelings and inner emotions.

I mean.

What!!!

How can you say that?

I mean after all these years.

Can you really not hear?

Is it not perfectly clear?

Have I not convinced you yet?

That I really, really do

Yes, me… I really, really do

……………………………………………………….

Wish that MINKE WHALES HAD FUCKING ENORMOUS BLOW YOUR ARSE OFF TYPE BAZOOKAS.

Now can you honestly say to me... that isn’t an expression of one’s deepest feelings and inner emotions?