It’s a line that I have started to wake up with
Each day, a new end,

Only,
the more lines I come up with,
the more I realise – that really,
there isn’t any reason for me not to.
Not a real reason,
not a religious or scientific reason.

I can die,
even though I have dreams,
I can die,
even though I still have things to do,
Even though people depend on me,
even though I’m young and I’d feel pretty ripped off,

Even though I really just don’t want to,

I can’t die because I love her,
and I haven’t told her yet.
I can’t die because my child needs me, because I want more children, because I need to prove to people that I’m a good mother – and dying 8years into the job just doesn’t fit in with that.

I can’t die because it doesn’t feel like I’m dying. I’m not in pain,
I can’t die because there are still foods that I haven’t eaten.
Because I’ve only recently started looking at the tree’s and ‘getting it’

I can’t die because I only just found out what I want to do with my life
If I die, my father will blame my mother
My mother needs help in moving house
And my bothers – really really need me.

I can’t die because I still haven’t got my bloody driving license,
I haven’t come out to my grandparents,
I’ve put on a lot of weight this month and I refuse to die fat.

I can’t die without being at least a part of everywhere.

I have to finish writing my book, otherwise I want the time I wasted on it back,
If I die I want compensation for all the money that I could have made

I don’t want to keep pictures
I don’t mind the scars.
I’ll go crazy if I loose my job and have to wait for 2 weeks with nothing on my mind, prior to the op.

I don’t mind if the surgeons a pig
But it would be nice if he was lovely,

And I wouldn’t get angry if he admitted
that they had made a mistake
And that there was nothing wrong with me all along.

I can’t die.
I don’t have a reason, not a real one – religious or scientific.
I just don’t want to.