Nocturne Village - Zombies and Richard Branson

CAN'T YOU SLEEP….Here I am having retired to my pit of bliss with sleepy eyes and a tired mind, now wide-awake. It could be 3 in the afternoon for all I care, yes; once more I am unable to sleep and it's sodding 2.48am. Not in the mood for TV, only like it at this time of day when tipsy (or horny - ouch). Chocolate Horlicks hasn't worked and I have even bought a CD named 'SLEEP' from a hippy type shop. Nope, none of this has any effect. I have burnt lavender oil put rose quartz crystals on my window ledge, yet still.. I am fully conscious. Come on read this Kwickee you flippin' nocturne………

I considered my insomnia could be due to sexual tension but nope, without going into that I am fully serviced (by synthetic means of course). I feel like texting a buddy saying 'hey wake up' but that wouldn't be fair. I have even tried online chatrooms but they are for the dumbest people on the entire planet, as all intelligent folk seem to be fast asleep after midnight?

Yeah, those online freaks talk such crap, what a waste of space. It's like the ground opens up and every Zombie on the planet frequents the Internet to talk to other plebs about bottoms and breasts and it amazes me that most of them are married! I mean couldn't they just go and wake their spouse's up and have rampant sex or discuss a film, they could even watch one together?

I have read 3 magazines from front to cover, tried to get into a book but eyes are too sore yet my head is very much ready to do a full day. I am trying to convince head that shops are closed & it's too late to walk the dog (who is also a nocturne-in fact I get up before he does).

'Should I bleach the kitchen'? I ask myself 'or erect the ironing board.' 'Should I sort out my wardrobe or pluck my eyebrows?' Nope, none of this appeals. I know I will write a Kwickee I will daydream (well, night dream), I will talk to other nocturnes and they can read me when they too are in an anti social time warp that is so flippin' boring it makes 'Eastenders' interesting or even 'Bulls Eye!' Yuk, maybe they should put these programmes on during nocturne hours to increase ratings as some may find this a happy distraction from talking about their genitals on the Internet!

Hey, insomniac...Imagine a Nocturne Village where you can hop in a taxi sporting night attire, where nobody is allowed before 12am and after 6am. Dress code is strictly pyjamas and you have to take Scooby Snacks to share with your fellow nocturnes. So bearing in mind my empty fridge, what would I take along? I know… I would take half a packet of 'Maryland Cookies', my jar of 'Chocolate Horlicks' & some whole grain mustard. This would be for anybody who had the luxury of ham sandwiches; I would offer my condiment provided they shared their lunch box.

Only interesting people would be allowed to enter Nocturne Village and there would be no talk allowed of private parts or cyber sex. Married people would only be allowed with their spouse unless they bring along written consent and no flirting is permitted. In Nocturne Village only good conversation and exchanging of positive information is allowed.

You are not allowed to make friends in Nocturne Village, as this will only increase your insomnia. Therefore on leaving Nocturne Village you forget the people you met and only remember what you have learnt. Yes, I do believe this is a really good idea, so much so I may even write to Richard Branson suggesting he gives me one of his Islands together with a fast and economical transportation service for other nocturnes. In return for this he can have free membership. (By free I mean he doesn't have to bring a 'Scooby Snack' or a pillow.)

Nocturne Village will have several shops but you are not allowed to buy anything, you borrow it. There will be one shop for each of the following. Slippers, dressing gowns, unisex pyjamas and of course a teddy bear store.

At Nocturne Village duvets will be provided with various tog ratings for all seasons. Also sleeping bags and there will be huge sprung mattress's covering the floors. There will gyroscopes, trampolines, hammocks and swings. There will also be seasons switches that can change summer to winter, autumn to spring and rain to sunshine. Nocturne Village will be a magical place, that is unless you break the rules, this is when you may never, ever return….. . . . . . . Anyway sleep well, I am coming back soon to tell you more…..but do remember, it is a secret until I have asked Mr Branson. Tee Foley
www.kwickee.com