A relaxing ante-natal,
building up a nice rapport
with the sympathetic midwife
who pretends to know the score.

The fact she has no children
needn't scare you anymore
but, inevitably, soon the talk
will turn to 'pelvic floor'.

When your days are filled with nappies,
late-night feeds and nothing more,
spare a thought for little muscles
in a place you can't ignore.

Later on in life you'll find
yourself with coughing fits galore
or you'll take up step aerobics,
maybe jogging on the shore

and be grateful that your muscles
are as solid as before,
because, trust me, you will need them
when you're nearly fifty four!