Ten years since we left high school and I found myself being unexpectedly invited to the reunion. I say unexpectedly, because I didn’t have many friends and the girl who was organising the reunion never spoke to me at school. I think she may have spat at me once, but I didn’t look back to see who it was. I just heard them all laughing.

By now I should have been more confident and self-assured. I’d read that in a magazine article on ‘How to get that job’, but the basic message was that I was no longer a school girl. I was now a strong, confident woman. There were several tips on how to ooze confidence. I cut the article out and stuck it on the fridge and repeated the tips like a mantra for a few days, and then I forgot about them.

Cathy was my best friend at school. I wasn’t hers, but she used to let me tag along with her because we lived next door to each other. She was very pretty and thin at school. I remember when she got the part I wanted in a school play. I was really angry, but I never said anything. I just smiled and congratulated her, feeling bad that I couldn’t be happy for her. I still don’t think I’ve forgiven her for that. I would have been happy, but she knew how much I wanted it. She wasn’t even bothered and got kicked out after a few weeks. I didn’t even make understudy. Actually I didn’t get a part which made me feel even worse. I wish I’d said something, but it seems so long ago now.

I was quite surprised when she called me a few weeks ago. She lives in London now and wanted to meet up with me so we could have a big catch up. She calls me when she comes back up north, but that isn’t very often. She went to college in London and stayed down there ever since. Her family don’t live around here anymore, so it’s nice that she has somewhere to stay. She’d been invited to the reunion as well. That didn’t surprise me.

The reunion was on Friday night. Cathy asked if she could stay on Thursday night, but she would play Friday by ear, just in case. I didn’t mind. It was always nice to see her. It was always nice to see anyone really because I don’t go out very often. I haven’t got a boyfriend yet, but I’ve had a few interesting ones, so the reunion could have been a good night for me. As it happens, I didn’t meet anyone there.

I picked Cathy up from the station on Thursday afternoon at two pm. She missed her first train so I had to wait on the platform for an hour, but she’s a bit like that. It was nice though. I love the colours and the smells of Autumn and the platform was glowing orange and red. I spent the hour listening to the wind, and breathing in the air. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I imagine what it would be like to have her life. To live in the city and have a successful career. I work in a bagel shop, but I like to paint when I feel lonely. People have said I’m pretty good, but I don’t know. I suppose I’m okay.

When I picked her up, she was wearing a long coat, with a neat grey suit underneath. She looked really slim and pretty, like she always did. She gave me two air kisses, one on either cheek.

“Darling, how are you, it’s been years?” Her voice was different now, she’d developed a southern accent.

“Great, just plodding, you know.” I felt nervous again.

“Listen, I said we’d call in and see Hannah on the way to yours, you don’t mind do you? It’ll only be for half and hour?” Secretly I did mind, but I didn’t tell her.

I dropped her off and pretended I had a bit of shopping to do. It’s not that I don’t like Hannah, but I never feel part of the conversation when we are all together. I picked her up and hour later and we went home.

“Oh your house is so full of character sweetie, so cluttered! I prefer a more minimalist look, but this is very homely!” She pushed Mole, my cat, out of the way to sit down.

We talked for the next few hours as we got ready. We laughed about old times and she cringed about the places we used to go. I had many happy memories, but Cathy preferred to forget about her life here. I was a bit disappointed with that, because I was hoping maybe we could go to the old places after the reunion, but I knew she’d moved on now.

She told me how she had grown and how interesting her life was. She sympathised with me about how dull my life must be, living here alone with my cat in my scruffy little house. I was one of the ones who had all the great dreams but never left. I was now relegated to one of the ‘small town folk’ and I needed to get a life.

I wanted to tell her “No, no, I’m not like that! I’m still the same, I still have the same dreams,” but my voice drifted off into the back of my mind and I felt stupid.

I dropped her off at the reunion and drove back home. If I wanted to be her friend, I would have to change.

I scooped up Mole and went to my paints. I don’t want to change.