I meant to call you. I know I should have. There were so many opportunities but whenever I tried…I just couldn’t find the words. I needed a break you see, selfish I know, especially now, under the circumstances. But I just needed to get away from it all, be myself for a while, think things through. But let’s face it, I haven’t any real excuse, I’ve been a bloody selfish fool and I’ll regret my actions forever my darling, forever.

When I finally found out what happened I was devastated, such a pointless loss of life, I simply couldn’t comprehend the repercussions of such a disaster. I kept my head down you see, didn’t watch the TV or read the papers, I just didn’t know, otherwise I’d have called someone..anyone, you have to believe me, I wanted to…I meant to…but….the longer I went without speaking to anyone , the easier I thought it would be, of course I’ve been proven wrong.

Then there was that awful memorial service. When I finally heard I knew I had to be there, it was too late for talking now. It was so surreal, all our friends and family, sat there, sobbing and broken. Whole lives destroyed in an instant. You looked so beautiful, just as I'd remembered you, if you believe nothing else, believe that of me. Then I saw how pale you were, all the colour drained from your once lively face, you were a ghost of the woman I’d loved and there I stood, a shadow of a man, torn apart by the grief on display. Touched that so many people had shown up.

Oh my love, I am so so sorry for putting you through so much heartache. I wonder if you’ll ever forgive me, will you ever find peace again.

You’re frozen still, shock has rendered you a statue, then you speak.

“Michael….you’re alive!”

I nod, “Yes I’m sorry, really, I had meant to call.”