Mr Corporate Leverage of Gaviscon Bunny Avenue, Printwheel Rotunda, and Miss Sapernicus Toscombe of Babbaling-in-the-Hole were married, argued, separated, procreated and divorced within same ceremony under special deal at Our Lady-on-the-Edge Church, Audiville.

Tegwin McFuttocks of Wannabe Close and Miss Catfish McTetris-McTetris of Zoological Gardens were married at St Bartholomew-in-the-Bath Church – in haste; repent at leisure centre, 8 for 8.30.

Small ads

Registered pet-sitter, I will sit on your pet, £4

Adjustable message bed, gently e-mails you as you sleep, over 1000 adjustable messages, some abusive! Cost £20 new, will accept £700 or wild offers.

Large tin of fish, bought in error, will swap for Sony radio tuner.