Like their famous Gruyere cheese
the Swiss defence was full of holes,
exploited by the expertise
of England’s Rooney, Becks, and Scholes.

So Switzerland sent the referees
and disallowed our winning head,
when England played the Portuguese…
The Portuguese then won instead!

We would have stuffed the Swedes or Dutch
and run rings round the Danes or Czechs
Cos all these teams aren’t up to much
(assuming that we’d ‘rested’ Becks)

Then, when the French had beat the Greeks
we would have exorcised the shame,
that we were feeling all last week
conceding them the opening game

By showing them we have ‘The Man’
to end their European reign,
eclipsing Zinadine Zidane,
our secret weapon – Wonder Wayne

But sadly, it was not to be
Despite the protests from the crowd
the Zurich grocer referee
ruled Campbell’s goal be disallowed.