Baby’s balti cookset. Used once. Also terribly ill baby. Free to good home. £13 or more to bad one.

Cat belonging to Mrs McTextiles of 3a Sedative Crescent, Nunchurch, Audiville. Available for sale to Mrs McTextiles, £300 ono, meet behind church, bring used notes.

Dirty girl, special way of kissing, catarrh cure guaranteed.

Siamese twins, £20 the pair, will split for £43,000 + VAT.

Huge, pneumatic Frenchman made out of tyres seeks way out of company logo.

Weight loss. Lose 2 stone in under a minute with my rotary saw, £5.

Stopping smoking? I will beat your cigarette cravings, by giving you cigarettes, £2.12.

Stairlifts, buggies and wheelchairs for elderly, various sizes and types, 392 Everest Drive, 14th floor, lift out of order, buttery stairs, buyer collects, £2.

Half a peanut for sale, allergy forces sale, also full wardrobe of men’s clothes, car, house, golf clubs, other personal items, will swap for bungalow with pretty garden, £1.20