An Irish former mental patient and chicken-fancier has got an Audiville man baffled with the success of a poem that defies universal logic. Dave Spunt is beginning to question his sanity over Fearless’ prose-poem, Water Pilgrim’s Dreamwish, which appears to rip up the rule book, and yet has had critics mewling like reddened otters.

Spunt is now questioning other universally accepted truths. So far, he has had no success with the Law of Aberration. Trying to exceed the speed of light with a crude ballistic missile made from an old sideboard soaked in methylated spirit, he was unable to achieve the level of warp required to overtake the Andromeda Galaxy and outstrip the speed of star clusters relative to the earth.

He was also unsuccessful with Dulong-Petit’s Law. For four hours, Spunt sat in a lit gas oven trying to disprove the resident molar heat capacity. He did, however, blow his bottom off and reduce the kitchen at Audi Towers to splintered matchwood.

Spunt was similarly unable to disprove that the famous Grandfather Paradox violates the causality of time travel. Getting his grandad to build a time machine, Spunt shot back in time and met his grandad before he had had children. Classically, though, an argument broke out over a burned muffin, and Spunt beheaded his grandad, thus arguing the bald, Audiville-based wordsmith out of existence.