The tube roars past me and the filthy wind of soot engulfs my entire being, I wonder, should I?

I've stood here on this platform so many times before, and I've sometimes thought, what If, dare I?

But I've never had the courage, I'm self conscious people might be watching, they will be thinking, look, look at that poor fool, what does he hope to gain from it, it’s not worth it

I'm so tired of being here, day after day, the meaningless grind and it's so depressing, dirty, dark, fear and hatred concealed behind a civil expression yet so close to the surface that one can almost taste it.

I know I should just do it, take the plunge as they say - it's not as if anyone is waiting for me at home with dinner on the table, lovingly cooked just for me, no, no one is expecting me, no one is waiting for me at home, I'm all alone, I've got used to it after all these years.

No one will even care. The next tube is coming, I'm drawn to it by the sudden southerly breeze, and then I hear it, the purring approach of this sardine tin form of transportation and I know I have to do it.

Now, I say to myself under my breath, Jesus Christ man, it's now or never.

Just one step, go on, you can do it, you must… just one more step...

Then it happens, that dreadful familiar clanking of metal, no, no it’s jammed.

And as my 50pence piece wedges tight in the payment box I thump that bloody Cadburys Machine hard with my fist.

Shit, I knew the fuckers never ever bloody work.