Shared-bowel syndrome: your questions answered

What is shared-bowel syndrome (SBS)?
Shared-bowel syndrome is characterised by two people sharing one set of bowels.

How do I know if someone is sharing my bowels?
Try turning around quickly, or shouting “Is that you, Gwendoline?” Try to come to some kind of leasehold arrangement and extract a reasonable monthly rental for the size of the bowel and the level of interior furnishing provided.

How common is SBS?
SBS is rare. To date, there have been no cases of SBS recorded anywhere in the world.

Sensitive discussion bit
If you suffer from mild abdominal discomfort, bloating or uncomfortable wind, or you suspect there is someone physically attached to your innards, speak to your doctor, a reputable plumber or a qualified tree surgeon.

You should see your doctor, usually with your SBS partner, and discuss your symptoms openly, though it may be uncomfortable to do so, particularly if the chairs are small. Tell your doctor about your symptoms and how they are affecting your daily life, your ability to land one job that pays two salaries, and the fights you are having over the TV remote.

Depending on the severity of the condition, your doctor will either laugh openly or perfom a ‘TUBE’ (Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination). Don’t worry: SBS can be beaten, with a carefully prepared, individually tailored management programme, with aromatherapy, or with a hacksaw.