Always standing
always standing
always glaring
always yelling
always staring at me
as if a circus freak had come to town
as if you don’t know how to act
as if some dirt penetrated your perception
Perhaps you stare for amusement
perhaps you shout to show off
perhaps you hurt because you’re hurt
perhaps you’re just too blind
to see what goes on
to see reality
of others
of minds and means
of darkness growth
and evil truth

Try to breathe
try to focus
try to hold it together
for you
for me
for an old eternity
that seems to hate me
that wants to break me
that yearns to see me cry
at your feet
at your will
at request
at the foot of a madman
because I’m scared
because I’m wounded
because I’m frightened
because the walls are closing in
around me

Ever considered
ever wondered
ever realised something’s not quite right?
Never cried
never screamed
never woken up in sweats?
Seen the pattern
seen the program
seen the way it’s all laid out?
Notice coincidence
notice bad timing
notice how it all goes wrong?
Give in
give up
give it all you’ve got
Fight yourself
fight fate
forget the rules

In my sickest hour
my weakest state
you glow
a shine of optimism
so bright
so white
yet not white enough
for darkness not to penetrate the light
I’ll crawl onward still
look for the end
of the tunnel
Lost in a suffocating maze
nervous, twitchy
loosing sleep
from microscopic scars
tearing at my heart
ripping into gashes
Start, stutter
burrowed frow

Big dreams
hope and ambition
happiness and
friendship
smooth waters
gliding steadily
No warnings
nothing so polite
just the pain
as it all gets worse
Fuss and nonsense
it’s not just my age
Wading in bliss-less tears
through a shrinking world
Finding it so brutal
so difficult to breathe
Sheltered eyes
half-shut eyelids
It’s so hard to walk
with pockets filled with liquid