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Ripples of consciousness

by  Practicer

Posted: Saturday, September 28, 2019
Word Count: 806
Summary: The frustration of a physical disability. A story of grief




Clayton watched the shadowy sparks of twilight trail off the smooth patio pebbles that he would habitually skim across the surface of the still life pond at the bottom of the back of his parents garden.  Claytons attempts at discovering precisely whereabouts the pebbles landed was deeply worrying his Mum. She would secretly watch Clayton , not only gradually ruin her patio, but also watch him search for the missing pebbles. Clayton would stand over the ponds edge, as if he were  starring into an unknown abyss.  His search for the pebbles that he had thrown were futile because all he witnessed in the ponds reflection, was his own image looking back at him in the fading turquoise glow, edging the darkness.  Claytons  silent yearning to retrieve what he had let go off was proving to be unhealthy , as he would dip his fingers into the murky water and pull out weeds and all sorts of mini water beasts. His Mum eventually decided to drain the ponds water and refill the hole with soil to create a flowerbed.
 
  Clayton went through life suffering a weak left arm due to a stroke he had at birth. Claytons Mum had since passed away, during his mid adulthood.  Clayton believed in Cosmic ordering.  The symbolism of something so small as a pebble, he concluded was some sort of rock of gratitude that he had perhaps unintentionally given to the universe. However, after many years living in depression and despair of not being able to get a job that was suitable with his health condition. Clayton eventually became a sweeper of a hard block floor in a accessory shop.  Clayton was offered the job because initially nobody else applied. All Clayton had to do was sweep the dust, and debris away, before the shop opened to the public each morning. Clayton would often revert to the reverie of contemplating the meaning of life, just like skimming the  pond with the symbolic pebble that grew into the job he now had.
 
When Clayton was  a child, both his parents were keen gardeners. One night whilst he was getting ready to go to bed. His curtains had been firmly drawn as not to emit the slightest sliver of moonlight.  Suddenly,  a thud, like a propeller whirling and then unfurling caused him to twinge on the surface of his conscious awareness. Fortunately, he was too tired to believe in ghostly bedsheets and fell asleep more or less instantly. On awakening the next morning , once he had opened his curtains, he saw his Dad lift a Dead crow from the flowerbed. The crow must have mistaken the windows reflection for trees. It was only when  Clayton sensed a connection of leaving the pain of his own physical body to a realm of infinite reality that he begged his Dad to give the crow an organised burial. However, during the crows burial, Clayton sensed a an attack of necrophobia, and not necessarily because of the Crows corpse. When Clayton peered down the hole that had been freshly dug up , he witnessed the sparks of the missing pebbles rotating like the patterns of a kaleidoscope  in the trick of the stark morning sunlight.
 
Whilst Clayton swept the shops floor, he would bottle up the panic attacks that were brought on by his health condition, as well as the fear of sweeping any mortal shells that would jump out and twist his arm even further.
 
A sales assistant who actually seemed to trust Claytons clinical sweeping work, told him that a customer, who was waiting for the shop to open, had a found a dead sparrow lying just outside the shops front,  upon the pavement. Clayton was then instructed to dispose of the corpse in the nearest bin.  Clayton feared losing his job , if he did not carry out this rather sickening task.
Clayton did not want to pick up the bird with his bare hands. He therefore, found a dustpan and brush to put the once live sparrow into. When Clayton  found the sparrow, he was struck by how peaceful the little thing looked. It was as if the Sparrow passed over with a gentle smile on its face.
 
Clayton was at the time of his Mums passing,  too upset and traumatised to attend her  funeral. However, now , as he attempted to clear away the fallen sparrow, across the road from the shop, beside a car park, a flowerbed seemed to magically appear. Clayton said a prayer and gently dug a hole with his right hand and then tipped the fallen sparrow into the dark emptiness of the ground, that gradually lit up with a ray of sunshine looping around some treetops.  Clayton could almost step into the peace and quiet of life after life in the ripple of his consciousness.