Dave and Jane enter film producer Kurt Zammenberger’s Universal Studios 35th floor office. A stuffed grizzly bear stares back at them from the other side of the room. This huge brown ursine presents a somewhat confused look - more a ‘What’s-that-strange-looking-stick-you’re-pointing-at-me?’ than the ‘I’m-gonna-rip-your-intestines-out’ one that the taxidermist was doubtless aiming for. On the wall beside it hangs a framed bullet-hole-ridden Stars and Stripes, with ‘14th Infantry - First Bull Run - July 21st 1861’ etched on a brass plaque below. There are four photo’s, left to right, of Kurt Zammenberger shaking hands with a skulking Richard Nixon, a beaming Ronald Reagan, a smiling George Bush and a smirking George W. 

Below these photo’s, behind a large oak desk, sits that same Kurt Zammenberger in the very imposing flesh. Alongside stands the famous director, Walt Warner, wearing baseball cap and sunglasses.

“OK, limeys, pitch it to us,”  says Kurt. “Walt here tells me you screenwriting guys from England have that certain je ne sais quoi with your documentaries - ye know, Downton and all that. I gotta tell ya, I ain’t convinced. You Brits are too … oh I dunno … too not-one-side-or-the-other. But let’s see what ye come up with. Donald’s paying big for this, remember. He’s bought space on all networks to follow the Inauguration shebang on January 20th.”

“ We’ll take you through our story-boards,” Jane says.

“There’s no dialogue, just a sound-track,” adds Dave.

“Some sort of arty-farty European music score, I suppose,” says Kurt.

“I'll call up Williams or would’ya prefer Morricone?” asks Walt.

“No. No.” says Jane. “Thank you, no. Actually we have it here. As American as … apple pie … by your man … with the pelvis. American Trilogy soundtracks the whole film. Starts with My heart belongs to Dixie. Switch him on, Dave.”

Dave speaks as Elvis sings: “We open with an Aerial shot - the whole of the USA. Slow Zoom In to somewhere in the mid-west. Zoom further to a farm - a smallholding. Two young men are leaving. A pregnant woman watches them, distraught. At the end of the farm track the two men stride away in opposite directions - one pulls on a blue military jacket, the other a grey. 

Jane continues, “Zoom Out  then Whip Pan across country to the battlefield at Gettysburg. Long Shot of swooping eagle (bald-headed, of course). Camera POV becomes the eagle. Top Shot of the two armies. The battle is in its later stages, shell holes and smoke, horse carcasses, human corpses etc. Continuous gunfire mixes with sound track.” 

“Battle sounds gradually foreground Elvis,” says Dave, “ High Angle Shot Zooms Down to Union front line to become Tracking shot of the soldiers. Close-Up sequence of faces - showing determination, fear, horror, pain. Stop at face of one of the young men we’d seen leaving the farm. Tilt Down to show bullets ripping into his chest. Slo-mo as he slumps to the ground. Foreground Elvis singing Glory, Glory, Hallelujah

Jane continues, “Tilt to Medium Shot  which Tracks 180 degrees to Confederate front line. Gradually increase battle sounds. The tracking parallels the Union line except soldiers are in grey uniforms (same actors or is that too much, Walt?) Soldiers being hit … gaps appearing in the line."

Dave: “Camera stops at one of these. Tilt to single corpse - Zoom In to Close-Up of face - the second young man from farm. Hold. Elvis’s voice foregrounds '...his soul goes marching on.’ Slow Zoom Out  to above battle Aerial Shot. Fade to white.”

Jane: “Cut to Steadycam - inside a bedroom - bay window, lace curtains, we view farm’s picket fence outside. Silhouetted woman’s back moves across frame. Tilt shot over her shoulder to a young woman's tearstained, heavily perspiring face (the woman from opening farm scene). She’s lying on a bed. Camera POV’s the first (silhouetted) woman as her black arms lift a new-born baby's glistening goo-covered body forwards. Focus shifts beyond baby to smile bursting across the young woman's face.

Dave adds: “ Widen shot to view both women joyfully admiring gurgling baby. Elvis track hits ‘Hush Little Baby Don’t you cry / Ye know yer daddy’s gotta die …’ Fade to white …

Kurt Zammemberg stares beyond the two writers, his eyes searching for some memory of a vision of America. A passing cameraman taking a close-up of his face might spot tears welling in his seen-it-all businessman’s eyes as Elvis vibratos Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, his soul goes marching on.

“Love it! Love it!” explodes Walt. “… ending with Baby America! And we don’t know which of the two men is the daddy! Out of sacrifice, conflict and turmoil - like with these elections comes the birth of a nation renewed! And a negro midwife bringing the child into the world! What a master stroke! “

“OK,” says Kurt, his composure regained. “But what about Donald? Where does he come in?”

‘Ah yes,” says Dave. “While Elvis’s soaring voice moves towards its climax, we thought we’d do an Aerial of Washington today, Zoom In to the Lincoln Memorial. We linger on the great granite and marble statue as its colour gradually shifts to glimmering gold and the gaunt, thoughtful face of old Abe slowly morphs into Donald Trump’s. Elvis, on a loop, repeats Glory Glory Hallelujah. Into this image we Fade In key moments in American history -  a teenage girl dangling from a tree above a sign saying Welcome to Salem, a fearful native American squaw shivering as whooping soldiers circle, Ku Klux Klan riders with burning crosses setting alight ramshackle wooden houses, bombs from B54s cascading onto Hanoi. Then we CUT BACK to the blingified Lincoln/Trump Memorial and to the arrogant, pouting, glowing gold statue-face of Donald Trump. Tilt Up to a giant neon sign on the roof above flashing the cocksure words AMERICA IS GREAT AGAIN brazen across the darkening sky.

‘There ya go!” exclaims  Kurt. “I told you you could never trust the Brits.”