It’s not about length
Nor girth,
Though I’ve had no complaints
(No, seriously, it’s pretty big).
It comes
From flexibility in the hips,
A knowledge of angles,
And a really filthy mind.

Girls:
Follow the scent of me
Down the highstreet.
Frenzy,
Your nails are claws
If they have to be;
And they have to be:
I’m your bloodsport.

Guys:
You’ll crane your necks to watch me
At the bar.
You’ll have what I’m having?
Of course.
Cast aside gender assumptions and run
Your hand along my inside leg and
Not that far above the knee
I’ll show you how we measure up.

And if you worry you can’t
Handle
Frequency and ferocity,
Velocity
(But always labouring, always consummate),
You’re probably right.
But I’ll respect you for trying
Hard.