FLOCK AROUND THE CROPS

‘Cockadoodleoo!’

‘Confounded bird,’ the Major said
clumsily  rolling out of bed
Up buzzed a fly - sat on his nose
the Major swiped it with his clothes.

The fly then perched upon his head
the Major warned, ‘You’ll soon be dead!’
He flailed about in vest and pants
the fly amused to watch him ‘dance’.

Bedroom wrecked, the fly buzzed off
and at attempts to splat him, scoffed
The Major cursed the wretched pest
tidied up and then got dressed.

Downstairs, sat on his derriere
by the window, in his favourite chair
whilst enjoying a view across his farm
he suddenly rose, with great alarm!

Grabbing binoculars from the drawer
‘Stone the crows,’ he cursed, ‘It’s war!’
Rooks and crows were stealing seed
that he’d not sown for flocks to feed.

The Major made himself a drink
and standing thoughtful by the sink
that kamikazi fly buzzed up
and dived into his coffee cup.

‘ Gotcha, now!’ the Major cried
It couldn’t swim and would have died
but he flicked it out, ‘Oh darn and drat it!’
The fly buzzed off, so couldn’t splat it.

The day wasn’t going as he planned
so listening to a military band
he then dozed off beside the fire
for all this stress, caused him to tire.

Dreaming - thought he’d get a gun
birds wouldn’t find that so much fun
He said it wasn’t bluff and bluster
for the only good bird was a duster!

BOOM! BANG A BANG... !

Scared by drums - awake - inspired
if music to the field was wired
would that provide the perfect way
to stop fowl antics night and day?

Testing theory, with the volume LOUD
he trust the band would do him proud
While military music tuned the air
back home, he napped, in comfy chair.

The fly buzzed round the Major’s head
remembering clearly what he’d said
and when he next drew breath to snore
he got more than he bargained for!

GULP!

The Major coughed, but all too late
with fly now destined to his fate
the sensation felt was truly awful
not at all a tasty morsel!

Housekeeper, Madam, Marie Duval
came rushing in with news to tell
Crows to his field, she said, were fllocking
and to the music, they were rocking.

They partied on from dawn till dusk
the Major frowned, the Major cussed
He poured a drink, was feeling glum
the fiasco was a pain in the ... neck!

The Major thought, it’s not a hoot
the  noise should give those crows the boot
But they used  ‘twitter’ for this deed
and advertised their seedy greed.

A media circus had begun
‘A work of a genius,’ said The Sun
Flocks jived and dived through sun and rain
now Happy Bottom’s - major pain

With roads to Happy Bottom blocked
time ‘flocking round the crops’, was stopped
So the Major pulled the plug one day
and watched the nightmare fade away. 

But crows and rooks still blight his field
which posed a threat to harvest yields
What could he do? That was the question
but Marie Duval, had a suggestion...