THE SHAMBLES

Major Payne dwell in his caravan
his Bottom not looking too happy 
His mood was more and more glum 
temper a little bit snappy.

The problem - Wally’s darn chicken house,
was no comfy place to call home
So cursing the day when the rain came in,
he decided to pick up the phone. 

Thumbeing through Dimple’s Directory 
phoned builders - Allcock and Bull 
who spun him a bit of a yarn
as their diary wasn’t that full. 

To the Major, they were an idle pair                
so  he never offered them tea
But asked why it took them an age
to ‘poodle off’ for a  ..... drink?

One dark night, in a howling gale,
his caravan flew in the air
The Major escaped unharmed
but his home was in need of repair.

Major Payne then stayed with a friend
a decision considered unwise,
when returning, after two months or so
he faced an unpleasant surprise... 

Rose covered cottage? That it was not
the house looked nothing as planned
Allcock and Bull got a flea in their ear
and from Happy Bottom were banned. 

Major Payne  inspected the shambles
‘Call themselves builders?  What  spoof.’
Then horror of horrors, he smelt a fire 
when there was no chimney in roof. 

All was lost, in  a matter of minutes, 
as most of the structure was wood
but the Major had it rebuilt
by the company, Allwell and Goode. 

Not every row of bricks was plumb
nor every window straight
But the roof was beautifully thatched 
and the garden boasted a gate.

With electrics in and plumbing done
as the Major soaked in his bath,
moggy, Fireside, crept on in
to snooze in front of the hearth. 

So finally, yes finally 
the Major’s dream had come true
And everything about his home 
was modern, comfy and new.

Flowers were planted, lawns were laid 
and past nightmares forgotten
For in all of Dimple, no-one had 
a  more blooming and beautiful Bottom!