THE SHAMBLES

Major Payne lived in a caravan
his Bottom not looking too happy 
His mood was more and more glum
and temper a little bit snappy.

The problem? - He had a chicken coop
but no comfy abode to call home
So on the day that the rain came in
he decided to pick up the phone.

The builders Allcock and Bull
were never short of a story
Though some, may well be true
none had them covered in glory.

The workers proved a lazy pair
nothing was plainer to see
So the Major kept them on task
and rarely offered them tea.

 Major Payne was a frugal man
who kept a close eye on his lolly
Painfully reminded every day
of the trauma he’d suffered with Wally.

The dye was cast, the chips were down
but anxiety soon diminished
When after some nine months or so
the pair appeared to have  finished. 

Not every row of bricks was plumb
nor every window straight
But the roof was beautifully thatched
and garden boasted a gate.

With the electrics in and plumbing done
the Major was able to bath
And moggy, Fireside, just arrived
curled up in front of the hearth.

So finally, yes finally,
The Major’s dream had come true
And everything about his home
was, brand spanking new.

Flowers were planted, lawns were laid
and past nightmares forgotten
For in all of Dimple, no-one had
a  more blooming and beautiful Bottom!