A beautiful woman who hasn’t a man

Is a bit like a doughnut without any jam
Or Battenburg cake with no marzipan
Or hosepipes in summer without any ban
(Or Oliver Hardy without his poor Stan)

A beautiful woman without her own bloke

Is as rare as an egg without any yolk
Or a stand-up comic who hasn’t a joke
Or the great Sherwood Forest without any Oak
(Or Gandalf the Wizard minus his cloak)

A beautiful woman who hasn’t a geezer

Is the same as not having a tower at Pisa
It’s as strange as the Louvre with no Mona Lisa
Or the old Roman Empire minus a Caesar
(Or finding an ‘Iceland’ which hasn’t a freezer)

A beautiful woman who hasn’t a mate

Is like a roast dinner that’s not on a plate
Or Berlin without the Brandenburg Gate
Or a village in summer not holding a fete
(Or ringing BT and not having to wait)

A beautiful woman with no special fellow

Is just like a paintbox without any yellow
She’s like a rogue bull without any bellow
Or a small string quartet minus the cello
(Or perhaps Wet Wet Wet with no Marti Pellow)

A beautiful woman without her own man

Is the Tinkerbell fairy with no Peter Pan
Or a boat of mint sauce without any lamb
Or the spy Mata Hari with no feather fan
(Or spag Bolognese with no parmesan)


A beautiful woman
Who’s single and chaste
Is leprechaun-rare
(and a terrible waste!)