I was attached to you with strings
Tight Tom

And tied to you with tears
Dear Weeping Will

And bound to you with passion
Judder U Jay Johnny

And coupled to you with true poetic love
My Annotating Andy

And connected to you by soul
Oh Reverend Russell

And attracted to your clever mind
Supra Dupra Stefano

And briefly joined your little harem
Shekal Shekur Gourabi

And locked to you with handcuffs
Masochistic Matthew

And trapped by you to marry
Perfect Peter

And divorced from you next day
Rough Riding Ross

And remarried to your best friend
More Disappointing Dave

Only to find that he was very, very gay
Hip Hip, Hip Hip Hooray!

There follows ....

A Very Pregnant Pause
Before I blow out the candles!