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Tears Only Run Dry

by  tusker

Posted: Sunday, July 6, 2008
Word Count: 1086




Ellie used to think her marriage jogged along without much effort, like two people running side by side in perfect step. Occasionally, she wondered the usual, "What if?" but she didn't dwell upon the question.

Then, three weeks ago, Dave was made redundant and, despite her assurances that everything would be all right, a silent doubt hung heavily between the two of them.

Every morning, when Ellie set off for work at Jasper's Hotel, Dave would kiss her goodbye. Say he'd call into the Job Centre and, every evening when she returned, he shrugged, tried to smile and tell her in a joking manner that middle-aged accounts clerks seemed out of fashion these days.

Then she'd say that is was lucky he had his redundacny money, that there was plenty of time for him to find a job. Once more he'd shrug. Reply with forced cheerfulness that tomoorow was another day.

Yesterday began with the same pattern. Ellie set off for work but, when she arrived home at 4.30, there was no Dave to greet her. Hours went by, hours of wondering, cursing and when darkness descended without a phone call from her husband, panic began to grow.

Suddenly Elllie's world collapsed. In between moments of worry, she wondered about the man she married twenty years ago. She fretted about the man she thought she knew. But to add to her concerns, the following day, Steve and Lisa, friends from their younger days, will be arriving for a week's visit after years living in America.

Ellie remembers the day the couple left for their new lives in Kansas. She recalls her relief after they departed; a relief she didn't share with Dave. Over the years, both couples had kept in contact through Christmas cards accompanied by annual letters until that surprising, recent letter stating they were coming home for a short vacation and could they stay with Ellie and Dave.

Now for the sake of her sanity, she must keep rein on her emotions; emotions usually kept well under control. "You're your mother's daughter," Dave often tells her and, sometimes, she's detected a note of sadness in his tone.

"Trembling lips don't solve problems. Tears only run dry," she'd repeat her mother's favourite saying and Dave would smile. Shake his head. Carry on doing whatever he was doing.

Needing to be occupied, Ellie paces the floor recalling her husband recently telling her, after she'd uttered her misgiving about their friends visit. "It's only for a week, Ellie. Surely you can put up with some inconvience for a short while?" And frowning, his brown eyes gazing intently into hers, his silent question seemed to challenge her. Then he blurted out, "Is it because you're embarrassed that I'm out of work?"

Now another memory comes to mind, her husband saying on their honeymoon in Dorset that he'd always make her happy despite coming in second best. She stops her pacing as snippets from her past jostle for recognition; a past she'd thought best forgotten.

Even now, she can recall the terribe hurt she'd felt after losing Steve, her first boyfriend, to Lisa. She smiles, remembering Dave, Steve's best friend, picking up the pieces of her broken heart. Six months later, Dave proposed and Ellie, despite her mother's warning about love on the rebound, accepted.

Ellie stirs. Starts to climb the stairs but sinking down half-way up, watches a cobweb swirling from the ceiling. Today, she ignores the intruder and looks down towards the front door where, through stained glass, rays of afternoon sun casts hues of reds and greens across a beige runer that she and Dave bought in last years's autumn sale.

Only a few hours ago, a stranger had stood on the spot taking down her husband's details, noting places he's likely to be. Friends he might be in contact with but, Ellie knew the policeman considered Dave as just a runaway husband.

Stirring, Ellie continues upstairs, remembering her mother's words, "Love complicates matters." They were said after Steve broke up with her after meeting Lisa.

Of course, all those years ago, Dave sensing her pain, helped her through the crisis with quiet strength and much needed support and now she wonders if she's taken his strength,support and loyalty too much for granted.

"Lisa and Steve are one of a kind," Dave once commented without acrimony. "He's the eternal achiever. She the ambitious go getter." Then he smiled, adding, "You and I are different. We fit together. We don't need high powered jobs or expensive trappings."

Ellie enters their bedroom, her gaze lingering upon their double bed and her husband's pillow, smooth and white, and she thinks how much she misses the little noises he makes when asleep and the warmth of his skin next to hers.

Now she wants to cry but moving to the window, looking out at their neat garden, she sees a blackbird dart from under swaying lavender heads. The resident blackbird that takes morsels from Dave's hand without any fear.

Then, hearing a sudden, muffled noise, she goes to the top of the landing. Below her, she notices soft hues of greens and reds scatter across the beige runner, disappearing under the skirting as a shaft of sunlight fills the hall through the open front door.

Gripping the banister, Elle gazes down at a pair of muddy brown shoes and the bottoms of dirt spattered, grey trousers. Step by step, she begins to descend until reaching half-way.

Dave looks up at her with red-rimmed, swollen eyes and she also notices his stubble and the crumpled black jacket he's wearing which looks as if it's been slept in.

'Where have you been?' she manages to ask, afraid that he's an illusion. 'I've been so worried about you.'

He tries to speak but his words are indistinct like a stranger's voice. Now she wants to hurt him with a cruel retort but the remorse and anguish etched on his face banishes her anger.

Rushing downstaris, moving towards him, Ellie takes Dave into her arms and a love, a fierce love, swells up inside her as she enfolds her husband in a tight, almost desperate embrace.

His body shudders against hers. 'Sorry,' he keeps mumbling between sobs.

Relief swamps her and she whispers, over and over again three words that she's not said for a long time, 'I love you. I love you.'

And as she confirms those feelings to her hsuband, she gently rocks him until, at last, both their tears run dry.