My next-door neighbour is growing tits.
I just hope my gaze
doesn’t emphasize
that I’ve noticed this,
as we chat at the gate.

He’s forty-eight;
a respectable age to mammarise,
now that he has a granddad’s doting eyes.

Though he’s seen sat shirtless on the summer step no more
(which is just as well maybe)
with his granddaughter on his knee
(for whom there’d be no lactating confusion, for
his daughter-in-law
Is A Big Girl).

But nevertheless, my mate,
lose a little bit of weight;
tauten your pecs
out of respect for your sex;
or, like me, with my granddaughter on my knee,
Wear A Shirt Of Discretion.

(Do my tits look big in this?
ah, Vanity you take the piss)
Nah, what the hell,
you’ve earned it pal;
Wobble.