When they are nine months away from being
They are at it furiously, her heels to the ceiling
And her fingers crossed. In pillows
(Perfectly positioned) and in God they trust.

Either that or his johnny has just bust.


When they are six months away from being
She knows nothing’s coming, apart from the weeing,
And so they break the news, ecstatic
And elated. How their parents have waited.

Either that or the daft twat is berated.


When they are one month away from being
She is increasingly bored of the waiting and seeing,
And the Thursday night group, and advice
Available in colour coded books.

Either that or in the pub cursing her luck.


When they are two minutes away from being
She hates, because he has no sense of the feeling.
When finally abated she wishes for a knife
Rusty and serrated, so he could know.

Either that or she’s been through it all alone.