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Aye Aye Cap`t

by  Jeremiad1971

Posted: Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Word Count: 531

Let us take a second to consider the case of Alan McIlwraith. 28, living with his parents on a council estate and being bullied at work.

He is a man of slight build and one day, just walking the streets, he was assaulted and a scaffolding pole was introduced to his head.

From that day on he became captain Sir Alan McIlwraith, CBE, DSO, MC, MiD. Sir Alan graduated top of his class at Sandhurst and became on expert on terrorism He served time in the hell holes of the world and was injured protecting a lady’s honour from a mob. Forced to take a job in Civvy Street he told his new colleagues of his military background and one of the managers remembered they had trained together at Sandhurst.

Soon Sir Alan was engaged and Lady Shona accompanied him to a charity event for battlefield anecdotes and champagne.

And there it peaked.

His appearance in a society magazine popped the bubble – he was recognised, he lost his job and Lady Shona posted the engagement ring with no note. When asked about Sir Alan, a rather cruel army spokesman said “He has never been an officer, soldier or army cadet. May I suggest you try the space cadet organisation.”

Alan is now depressed – “I’ve lost everything. I am probably the only man in the country without a secret to tell.

Now, let all that sink in and consider the scale of his achievements. Without the help of so much as a spin-doctor, let alone the resources of the White House administration, he survived for two years on a manufactured personality.

He has said, “I cannot get a job because I am untrustworthy”. That would seem a highly negative view of his skills. His experience is a worthy CV for our times and there are jobs aplenty for a man of his talents.

I’m sure some of the contestants on the X-Factor would benefit from his wisdom and he could run a boot camp for the aspirational who are still troubled by a nagging sense of reality.

He could build from his life changing moment and offer a course in reinforcement training – a simple mallet to bonce and applicants could have the life they really deserve.

His opportunities will grow and grow and I suspect he will become a role model for the sizable part of the population with a weak sense of self. Living in an environment that posits looking after number one as the essential survival strategy and rewards the ability to adapt to any circumstance with scant regard to long lasting consequence is going to create more and more Captain Alans. It’s a rat race and if you feel your true self is being overlooked simply create a more desirable one and away you go

A certain escape into dreams of omnipotence in the workforce or the bedroom is probably healthy but, for the love of God, let’s keep it to our internal lives.

From closing your eyes and wishing the world away to relating sexual tales of questionable physical practicality just remember the possibility of going Captain is only a blow to the head away.