BENNETT:
As Thora Hird poured the last drop of Earl Grey into my teacup and proffered yet another glorious Battenburg slice from the pyramid cake stand, she started to opine about the trials and tribulations of traffic congestion in the area. ‘Oh how much easier it would be’ she said, ‘if a simple freeflow system could be operated, thus making life for the motorist happier’. And with that most caring thought, Thora strapped herself into her Stenna Stairlift deluxe.

‘But Thora’, I said, ‘what about the 360ft wind turbines that were being planned for Denshaw Moor?’ Unfortunately she was experiencing difficulties as the blasted contraption jutted and jarred her not-so-smooth ascent up the stairs and did not reply.

As I espied her thrusting her full body weight into the side of the Stenna in an attempt to budge it further up the stairs, I urged Thora for a reply. ‘What about the noise and the blot on the landscape these beasts of wind would create?’

Panting and if not a little exhausted, Thora looked me straight in the eye and said ‘If it can create enough wind to get this fucker up the stairs then you won’t hear me complain’.

END