You were no better than me at school.
I was the go-getter, you the fool
The bedwetter, the so un-cool,
In a burgundy sweater dappled with drool.
No joined up letters, no pencil or rule.
I straddled a Lambretta, you fell off a stool.
I was Barcelona to your Hartlepool.
Smart to the letter and flash like a jewel
I was Garbo, Greta, to your Phil Cool
The face of an angel against the arse of a mule.
The topsetter, the one who would rule…

But it all turned out better
Rather than worse for you,
Forever on the TV set
Earning as much as you do…

At least I’ve a pointless vendetta
And you still haven’t got a clue