Career Train Wreck

(Int – A passenger, a young woman in her early twenties is at the ticket kiosk in a busy train station)

Passenger;

Hello, I was wondering if you could tell me the next train that goes directly to glittering career?

Guard;

Yes madam, that would be the 9.15 to Death.

Passenger;
To Death?

Guard;

Yes Madam. To get to Glittering Career you have to catch the train to death,and get of at Glittering Career.

Passenger;

Oh, alright. How many stops is it to glittering Career?

Guard;

Well, Madam, that depends.

Passenger;

What does it depend on?

Guard;

Your qualifications, your experience.

Passenger;

Is that all?

Guard;

No, it also depends on who you know, what you know, whether or not you know where the bodies are, but most importantly, on what people think you know. What you actually know is not as important as what you can deceive people into thinking what you know.

Passenger:

I had not really of it at all like that.

Guard:

Recent graduate?

Passenger:

Yes

Guard:

Good degree from a good university?


Passenger

Yes.

Guard

Good, good. You should have no trouble then. Clear complexion? Good character? Nice fully rounded character? Ability to work with a team, and on your own initiative?

Passenger

Surely those things cannot be that serious?

Guard:

There not deal breakers, but they help. Computer Skills? R.S.I?

Passenger

Yes, and no.

Guard

Good, and give it time, RSI may develop. Injured at work in an incident that was not your fault?

Passenger

No.

Guard

Good, but Carol Vorderman will be disappointed. She makes a shedload from those adverts.




Passenger


Can we carry on? I need to make a start on getting to my glittering career.

Guard;

No, and the time we spend talking is only the time that you need to waste in a low paying, soul destroying, dead end job, before you realise what you want to do,and then the irony will hit you, that you have no experience in the job that you want to do, and the only experience you have has been gleaned from the job that you are trying to escape from.

Passenger:

I would just like to buy my ticket ticket for Glittering Career.

Guard:

You can’t buy it here.

Passenger:

Why not?

Guard:

You don’t pay for it all at once.

Passenger:

Where do I go then?

Guard:

You have to buy it on the train.

Passenger:

How do I pay for it?

Guard:

With parts of your soul

Passenger:

How many stops?




Guard:

I think it is six. Let me just look for you. Yes it is six. You go through Euphoria, yes I have a job and some money, through This is dull, and then on to, Stop it Accounts, you make me laugh, now I will have to run until I get a Stitch, and then onto Promotion opportunity lost through Nepotism, onto There must be more to life than this, and then through One last year, and then if the trains are running correctly it is Glittering Career.

Passenger:

And if the trains are not running correctly?

Guard:

Then you have to go onto Is it too late now to try something else?. If you miss that you will end up in I really wish I had tried something else, and then Death.

Passenger:

Thank you, you have been very helpful.

Guard:

Don’t mention it, good luck. Next

(Another Passenger of unknown gender goes up to the window)

Passenger 2:

Hello, I would like a single ticket to amazing sex life please.

Guard:

Are you going as Male or Female?

Passenger II:

I had not quite decided yet, what is the difference?

Guard:

If you go as a Male, you can leave on the next train and it won’t take you that long.

Passenger II:

If I go as a female?

Guard:

You may never get there.

Passenger II

I will have to think about it. Bye

Guard:

Next

(End)