Karen
Karen pulled the old thread bare blanket tighter trying to squeeze more warmth from it. Beneath her Lily’s much wanted American style porch swing swayed back and forth. Irish weather was no good for such out door luxuries, she though and sat back to watch the moon rise majestically over the tree tops. She sighed it was so peaceful there, and every where you looked there was breath taking scenery. In fact if it wasn’t for the smelly animal and abundance of insects she would have quiet happily lived in the country. The isolation definitely suited her better than it ever could suit Lily.
God she loved this place, with its gentle rolling hill, and sprawling orchard of gnarled old apple trees. This little farm oozed warmth even on the bleakest of nights and when she came here she always felt completely at home, and also extremely jealous, if she was completely honest.
James’ great grand parents had been given this land as a wedding present and they had lived long happy lives on it by all account, raising ten children and many more grandchildren. It was Lewis family legend, James had told them when he first brought them here, that when they died in each others arms still madly in love after 70 years of marriage they infused the farm with their love. The farm he concluded was good luck.
She had thought then that they needed all the luck they could get. It had been nothing more than a tumbling down old farm house, a few out buildings and a lot of over grown weeds. But James had just smiled happily at her and winked, completely confident that this was the home he and Lily would spend the next 70 years of their life in.
She had doubt it. Lily had spent the last almost ten years of theirs lives running away from him, resisting the happiness he brought her. Karen had hoped on that day three short years ago, that she would be proved wrong. Things were different now, she’d told Helen and Kathy as they pilled back into the car after the visit, Lily was finally going to marry him, and she had had his baby. Maybe, she’d speculated, motherhood would settle her. It pained her now that she had been proven wrong.
That row, she just hadn’t expected it. Karen recognised that hearing lily say something like that was hurtful, but surely he knew she didn’t mean it. Surely he could see that she was just voicing a worry, looking for reassurance. It seemed like he knew when they had such a lovely time over dinner. But seeing him look at Lily like that…it broke her heart.
It was all too familiar. Shitbrick had looked at her like that so often near the end, she knew what it meant. It was that look you got just when love was twisting into its ugly alter ego. She never thought James could look at Lily like that, but then again she had never thought her husband would look at her like that. But if James stopped loving lily what hope was there for the rest of them?
She lifted the half bottle of wine left over from dinner from its resting place on top of the flower garden wall. Lily and her gardens, eh. If she put as much effort into her marriage as she did into her home and garden they wouldn’t have a problem. Bloody lily had never known how lucky she was, Karen muttered to the shadowy rosebushes, as she slurped the dregs from the bottom of the bottle.
She couldn’t help but feel irritated, all this brought back bitter memories of her own separation. God she had thought she was so secure, married 3 years, together 5 and a gorgeous little girl to run around their cosy little starter home. But she felt great sympathy with James, because like him she’d had the rug pulled out from under her.
Just when she thought they could start thinking about another baby. Just when his career was taking off and he was bringing in real money. Just when she’d finished her first year as a lab rat and could go part time as well as get paid maternity leave. Just when she was making serious future plans…it had all been ripped from her.
Out of nowhere he announced he didn’t want any more children, he had never wanted any. He told her he felt trapped by her neediness and was exhausted trying to keep up with her demands. Then he told her he was leaving her for somebody else. Somebody he’d been having an affair with for over a year.
Karen shivered, whether at the memory or from the chill in the air, she wasn’t quite sure. Poor James had heard something just as bad when he came home from work, she shook her head sadly as she though, and he must feel as betrayed as she did. The sad thing was it would kill both Lily and James if they let it break them up.
Lily was not the heartless shit, Karens husband was. He had stumbled off into the night with out even a back wards glance. For the first year or more of their separation, he had barely given her or August a second thought as he fornicated with Hellbitch. She had to chase him down constantly to get money out of him, to get him to see his daughter. He had turned her into the nagging psycho he claimed she was.
It wasn’t until she gave up, that he made any effort. She stopped calling him, she stopped asking for money, she even stopped asking him to see his daughter. In an effort to regain her sanity she had even started divorce proceedings. Of course it coincided with a break up with Hellbitch, but suddenly he was all over her like a rash wanting to come back.
And she had almost let him. She had even been foolish enough to let him into her bed once. But then he had gotten back with Hellbitch and disappeared all over again. It had taken all her effort not to react to that. She had held onto her last shred of dignity with white knuckled determination and said nothing. Stoically soldiering on and saving her tears for the long lonely nights in her big empty bed.
But now, she raised the bottle to her month again and drained the last drop, now he was back. He was like athletes foot, just when you thought he was gone for good up he popped. She had planned to tell the girls the full story this weekend but as usual Lily had stolen the show. God, what Karen wouldn’t have done to go back in time and tell her younger self that James was a keeper. But silly her, she had always had a thing for sociopathic bastards.
But there was no room to tell them anything now. Forget divulging that Shitbrick was turning up at her house almost every night. That not only was he being good to August but to her. She had just managed to ease into the subject before she had been side lined. She knew what they would think, especially Lily, she could almost hear that curse filled response.
But she already knew that she was a fool falling for it. It was watching him read to August that was fatal every time. She would swear she was going to throw him out as soon as the kid was asleep but then her heart would soften and before she knew it his hands would be in her hair, and his body in her bed. She was repeating the same mistake over again, she knew that, but god it was a good mistake.
I am just using him to satisfy an inch, she told herself, its revenge on Hellbitch. She would never take him back, and if or when he got round to asking to, she would firmly tell him no. She might make him break up with Hellbitch first or make him at least tell her about ‘Them’. But she would absolutely not take him back.
“Fuck me but it’s scary in there.” Kathy greeted her as she come round the side of the house, “he came upstairs to put the kids to bed and I swear I thought he was going to cry”
Karen looked at her as she slide onto the seat setting it swaying madly and started pulling at the blanket. But he never cried, okay when his dad died yes, but not at lesser things. If he was nearly crying it was very, very bad. Kathy caught her eye and nodded in agreement with her unspoken thoughts.
“Scary…I told you.” Kathy said settling back, blocking the draft she had let fall on Karen’s right shoulder by pulling the blanket round her own shoulder. As if to make up she handed Karen a fresh bottle of wine.
“He was all angry calm when I went into the kitchen,” Karen said as she swallowed back a month full of red liquid, “it’s all very traumatic.”
“Indeed.” Kathy took the wine back and they sat staring at the silvery grey moon, lost in though. It was just a silver off full, Karen noticed and wonder if it was symbolic. Lily would think so. She would think it was an omen of some sort. Maybe it explained the unnatural happening going on in doors.
“Think she’ll leave?” Kathy asked after a few moments of quiet contemplation. Karen took the wine bottle from her and tried not to meet her gaze. They shivered collectively in the night air and moved closer, pulling the blanket tighter.
“Maybe.” she answered as she raised the bottle to her month.
“You think he’ll let her?” Kathy turned her face so that she was looking right at Karen left cheek. Karen turned to look at her, meeting her bright worried eyes in the pale colourless light.
“Well, it didn’t seem like he was asking her to stay when I went in there.” she answered gravely, watching Kathy’s lips part in a silent o as her hope faltered. Karen handed the bottle back to her and Kathy turned her face back to the night as she drank.
Their breath joined the sounds of the night as they huddled together watching the stars appear one by one in inky clearness of the vaulted sky. They drew in the late summer air, filled with the scent of moss and wood smoke. What was there to say? Lily was prone to these bouts of self destruction. James had always been there to catch her. Maybe this was one step to far, maybe this was the damage she couldn’t repair. Who would catch her this time?
“I spy with my little eye…” Kathy sang as they reached the half way point of the bottle, “Something beginning with …P”
“Plant?”
“Nope.” Kathy answered with a shake of her head.
“Parasite?” Karen tried squashing a miggy.
“Nope.” another shake.
“I don’t know…P..farm?”
“No.” Kathy laughed, and Karen shrugged in defeat, “Panties.” she pointed to the washing line.
“Very good but we commoners call ‘em Knickers.”