‘Oh yeah…here’s this picture of you, my favourite strawberry blonde, smiling, by tranquil lakeside blue, on a long forgotten golden day, dressed in red.’

You know…

Every other night I come here and look at these pictures of you… and say yeah just one last time, and then I really, really must delete all of these…that bring back memories, both good and bad, that I have for you…you know just for the good of me and you.
But of all these pictures that I have of you, yes… yes I think i could live without the rest… but no that isn’t true… I know it and you do too…I always did kid myself.
Because this is the picture where I always fail this test; this is the picture I always look at first… to make sure I do fail and not even think of deleting the rest.

Yeah…a picture.

My favourite and my best, the beautiful strawberry blonde, smiling, by tranquil lakeside blue, on a long forgotten golden day, dressed in red.

A faded Felix is emblazoned on an old seen better day’s red tee shirt… across that magnificent, infamous heavy chest.
A glimpse of white shoulder bra strap showing, and you know it too, you minx.
Hair straightened back so severely, a side parting in that way you know I detest (not so).
A zillion speckled freckles pepper a perfect little nose waiting, wanting to be kissed.
Gappy teeth you said complaining, but all I see in this particular picture is a contented smile. Your only truly natural smile, and one that I dream is smiling only for me.
Eyes beautiful and dancing blue, laughing; one half squinting, perhaps because of the glaring sun, I wonder are these the windows to a tortured soul?

I could write a list of things that seem bitter, negative and accuse.
But-
No I prefer to remember and pretend that some of it was good and true. (One thing though babe, please, please cut out the mind games…they don’t do anyone any good…especially you.)
But I will ask,
Will you, did you ever let anyone... really come in?

On that, I’ll have to guess and never really know.
So I’ll just say
I’m sorry…

I wanted you.
I adored you.
I still do.
I was vicious.
I lied.
I hurt you.
I wasted your valuable time and mine.
I am still concerned.
I didn’t understand or even knew about the rules.
I haven’t learned yet… to quite let go.
I will really miss you.

I don’t want anything in return; I’ve learned that from you, it’s better to expect nothing at all.

But hey ho such is life; I’ll wish you only the best, because you are on an unusual quest for love or happiness or something.
I’ll have to try my best to move on.

And so perhaps one late night soon, I’ll be able to say...

‘Oh yeah… here’s that forgotten picture of that beautiful strawberry blonde I once knew, smiling, by tranquil lakeside blue, on a long forgotten golden day…dressed in red. Yeah… I suppose it’s time for it to go… along with all the rest.’

Of course I jest…and I'm kidding myself once again, and the nearest I'll ever come to really forgetting you
Is almost.