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The Forgotten Garden

by Brian Aird 

Posted: 07 February 2005
Word Count: 100


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The Forgotten Garden (new version w/added verse)

I dreamed there was a secret garden
Where briary thorns
Pricked the roses red
And busy nectar thieves
Were by flowers stung

Where willow trees
Sang to rivers sad
And gentle silver fish
Were by fire-flies led

Where white doves
Taught proud swans to dance
And fairies drunk on nettle wine
Were by pixies kissed

But then the river dried
And bramble choked the land
And all the wonder and enchantment
Were by doubting slain

Till at last, new life appeared
Daring to believe
And magic and mystery
Were by children, born again







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Comments by other Members



joanie at 16:48 on 07 February 2005  Report this post
Hi Brian, at first this reminded me of the Secret Garden, but it doesn't have a very happy ending!

With the title, I quite like the way the word order adds to the old-fashioned feel, but I wonder if, for example, the last line might be better as 'was slain by doubting', especially as the mood changes in the last stanza(?) I can see that 'slain' is stronger at the end, though.

This is like a loss of childhood innocence; a sad reflection on modern society?

joanie

Brian Aird at 18:01 on 07 February 2005  Report this post
Thanks for the feedback, joanie. I've added a happy ending.

There's a story in my mind about a girl who grows up loving her secret garden, only to abandon it as she gets old - but her grand children rekindle her belief in magic....when she learns to look at the world through their eyes.

I'm thinking of writing it as an 'afternoon movie' type of story. (I expect there are at least twenty similar stories already out there though!)

Brian

jewelsx at 16:42 on 11 February 2005  Report this post
hi,

i didn't read it before the happy ending was included, but i am glad that you did.

you have a good use of imagery - i particularly liked the 2 and 3 stanza which created the feel of a magical/beautiful place.

the poem works well - it brought me a flash of childhood inspiration.

jewelsx

Mr B. at 08:38 on 14 February 2005  Report this post
Haven't seen the sad ending. I would have liked to for the sake of comparison. At first I thought it was a nature poem and you were making some ecological point, but focusing on the phrase 'I dreamed' in the first line the complexion of the piece changes into a gently sad nostalgia. The rhyming of the last lines on the final two stanzas created a nice effect - even if it was not intended. I liked the neat and optimistic way the poem concludes.

A nice, gentle read.

Cheers,

Anthony

paul53 [for I am he] at 11:41 on 14 February 2005  Report this post
Very evocative, transported me so far away I had to get a taxi back. Will certainly browse through your other uploads.


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