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The Ring
Posted: 26 February 2004
Word Count: 52
Summary: Love hurts
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The Ring.
A circle of gold, my ring.
Adorning my bent and twisted finger,
Giving it beauty undeserved.
Within a curved delicate edge,
Reflecting the light, minute white
Clusters surround a pink fragile centre.
Jagged stones deceive the eye
With a soft flower like image.
Recalling your love which ended in deceit.
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 Elsie at 19:44 on 26 February 2004
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Oh, it goes that way so often. Clever use of jagged and 'deceives the eye'. I liked this, very simple, don't what else to add!
Elsie
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 roovacrag at 19:58 on 26 February 2004
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Kathleen this is good.
Was given with love to the most precious love.
You will remember the day it was given and nothing can take it away.
xxAlice
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igbit33 at 20:53 on 26 February 2004
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It seems to me that it is your 'bent and twisted finger' giving the ring a 'beauty undeserved'.
This is a wonderful poem, that can and will speak volumes to many a reader. You're right of course, from what little I know of love, it does hurt, and deceit you are better of without. Glad to see this is in the past tense.
Ig. xx
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tinyclanger at 11:19 on 27 February 2004
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Pg, I do like this. The beauty of the ring contrasted with the deceit of the lover; and the gentle words you use to describe it, which contrast with the "jagged" reality.
The only bit I wonder about is at the end of the first liine. Do you need 'my ring'? the title tells us this, and you description makes it obvious, without making it so obvious, if you get me?
I think 'Circle of gold' alone is much better, more poetic. No need to explain what it is..
if the line seeems short, you could play about with the line break a little...
Just a thought. :)
x
tc
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poemsgalore at 18:17 on 27 February 2004
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Thank you all, TC I see your point, but I think I'll keep it there anyway as it seems to emphasise 'MY ring' not the person's who gave it to me. But apart from that, it isn't really necessary.
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olebut at 11:13 on 28 February 2004
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Kathleen and there I was expecting a poem about Bilbo and Mr Ferodo thankfully however not ;)
A delicate poem with a sting in the tail, but so many love poems are aren't they
I am inclined to agree with TC about the my ring in line 1 especially as you have it adorning your finger and again as is my thing I would ditch the traditional capitals at the start of each line except of course after the full stops as I really do believe they interupt the flow of the poem.
take care
david
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ChrisB at 12:22 on 04 March 2004
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Yes I really liked this short poem as it says so much in its few words.
What hit me most was the comparison between the jewel and the flesh that it sits upon. One that can be so fragile, venerable, confused and manipulated whilst the other seems so solid, so invincible and so glamorous.
But as the poet points out this illusion also deceives the human eye and we are left with nothing.
Beautiful poem that left me with a feeling of completeness.
ChrisB
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