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More haiku

by nickb 

Posted: 04 May 2010
Word Count: 34


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A raindrop hangs,
shows the world its weight
in water

From the shore
mudflats haul down the sun
and kill the curlew’s cry

The mud barge
waits for tide, wind, sun
and Oyster Catchers






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 12:55 on 05 May 2010  Report this post
I like the first.

I think the second could be honed further.

mudflats
haul down the sun
kill the curlew’s cry
or even turn it around a bit but who am I to say?

mud barge
before the tide comes in
Oystercatchers

I don't think the articla adds anything.

nickb at 13:03 on 06 May 2010  Report this post
Thanks guys, I think you're spot on. The last two need work.....

N

V`yonne at 18:08 on 06 May 2010  Report this post
Even Basho spent years on his most famous work:
That's good to know...


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