Snow White’s Doc Discredited

Doc, often seen as the most intelligent of Snow White’s Dwarfes has been discredited.

It is thought the Doc’s qualifications were bought over the Internet, from the University of Tesco. Speaking to us earlier, Sneezy said ‘Atchoo’ before being asked to be excused, whilst Dopey looked on, with his big ears, and blushed. Grumpy asked what we wanted, and the other Dwarfes told us to go whistle.

Ms White was not available for comment, as she feels that Doc has let her, and the Dwarfes down. A Spokesman simply said: ‘It is understood that Doc has no more right to his nickname than any of the rest of us. It would appear that all of his qualifications are from the University of Life,and to be blunt, they have very lenient entry qualifications’

Top Cat hands over power

In a scene reminiscent of something from The Godfather Movies, beloved street cat, Top Cat, or TC to his friends has handed over power in the running of the street.

This has caused uproar amongst many of Cat’s compadres, who were squaring up for a fight earlier, which was only broken up my Officer Dibble. Instead of handing power to the most qualified Cat, Brain, or most loyal friend, Benny, power has instead gone to Choo Choo, a dimwitted hench man in employ of Cat.

It is thought that Cat, now 13 years old wanted to retire gracefully and in his own time, rather than having the decision made for him. He told us, looking dapper in his waistcoat and Top Hat: ‘Hey, Man, it just seemed like the right time to go, you know. I left the power with Choo Choo, he is a bit dumb, but a good kid underneath it all. I was watching that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film when I was deciding who to give my power to. All of the other cats wanted it, they were hungry for it, but not Choo Choo. He was good and pure of heart, like Charlie was, and it was then that I decided that the job should be his’.

We will keep you updated on the words on the Street.

Captain Caveman becomes mascot for Sarah Palin

Little remembered children’s cartoon character Captain Caveman is now the official mascot for Sarah Palin’s campaign, replacing the Moose from Northern Exposure, which she shot last week.

Caveman, now without his gang of Teen Angels, now fully grown with families and concerns of their own, cut a sad and forlorn figure as Palin introduced him to the baying Media pack that had assembled for the news.

It is believed that Captain Caveman is of a similar age to John McCain, and that the two have much to discuss on the campaign bus as it travels from state to state.

Captain Caveman said: ‘Ugh, ugh’ and walked away, swinging his club at anyone who got in his way. Following this lead, Barrack Obama has chosen Pebbles and Bam Bam from family documentary The Flintstones to work as his official mascots.

80’s Slap Bass – The hits of Sting at number 4

An album of Sting songs is now at number 4 in the charts, played on the instrumental sound of the 1980’s, Slap Bass.

The sound, most noticeable in the theme to Seinfeld was made famous by such players as Level 42’s Mark King, and a number of bassists who were sick of the singers and guitarists getting all of the notices.

Gordon Sumner, a rich bassist in his late fifties, just recently returned from a short tour with a band he played with in the 1970’s and 1980’s told us: ‘This is just what the world needs. Sting’s songs done in a fashion like this. Personally, as the writer of all of these hits, I will be coining it in myself’

The songs featured on the album include a solo bass rendition of ‘Field’s of Gold’ and full band arrangements of ‘Fortress Around my Heart’, ‘Englishman in New York’ and ‘Fragile’. We are led to believe that the compiler of the CD does not know any of Sting’s songs that begin with letters after G.

A Jew’s Harp version of Police Songs is set to be released in the early Spring, all things being equal.