Hi there. This is very thought-provoking. I love the capitals for the machines; that's scary! I would have thought that there shouldn't be a capital for 'Me' on line 3, as the whole point is that 'I' am insignificant.

I also think that you have too many commas, especially in the third stanza.

The Answerphone tells me I have no new messages but I don't need a Machine, made in a few moments, to remind me of my insignificance. I flick a Switch and a genocide of germs burn to death within a kettle. I turn off the hoover and a community of dust mites waits for its world to settle.

Good one.

joanie

a genocide of germs

I like that. I agree the punctuation needs a bit of sorting out but it's a very good idea.

Hi,

liked this poem on alienisation, using senseless machines as the counterpoint to your protagonist concentrated the whole thing.

Cheers


Mark

<Added>

I meant of course 'alienation'.

Cheers

Mark