Satire - 3rd September 2008
by 
Tigger23 ( 1440 )
|
Posted: 02 September 2008 Word Count: 714 |
|
Wombles on Endangered Species List
Wombles, the beloved species that tidy Wimbledon Common are now officially on the Endangered Species list.
The animals were added when Wimbledon Common was seen to be in a state of untidiness, and that the Wombles had not been seen for a while.
‘The industrious nocturnal species often keeps Wimbledon Common clean, but they have not been doing their job properly lately’ said Terry Nutkins, renowned Wildlife expert and television presenter. ‘We only ever saw five of them, and only one female, so we do worry that the species has died out completely. It could be like the Loch Ness Monster though. We only see a small number, but there could be hundreds of them all underneath London as we speak’.
David Cameron, leader of the Conservatives said: ‘I would be very saddened to hear of the demise of the Womble, a great species that made London famous for children in the 1970’s and 1980’s. It is a sad day when a Species dies, but at least we have something to remember them by. They always were a great example to our present Major, Boris Johnson, so their example lives on. Personally, I always thought they were vermin’
The views of many other people were not sort, as they may well have been busy.
Whispering Bob Harris and David Attenborough in Shout off
The quiet men of entertainment, Whispering Bob Harris, and David Attenborough today surprised many in the BBC Canteen with a shout off.
The two, who are very close friends said they were sick and tired of people not being able to hear them properly. Harris said: ‘For years, I have whispered when introducing John Martyn on the Old Grey Whistle Test. John Martyn was like the equivalent of Billy Connolly on Parkinson. Always on and always good entertainment. But, anyway, I forgot I could raise my voice above a whisper’
Attenborough continued: ‘I always whispered to avoid disturbing mating creatures or being attacked by a Bear or any angry Monkey, so I too forgot I could shout. So Bob and I thought, you know, wouldn’t it be a good laugh if we shouted in the canteen, just for a laugh, and to see who was loudest. Imagine the surprise in the canteen. Oh, it was hilarious, you should have been there’
Terry Wogan was there. He told us: ‘Loud, I’ll say. They were so loud my toupee got scared and is now hiding under the table’
Brian Blessed School of Acting Closes
The Brian Blessed school of acting in Accrington Stanley has shut it’s doors for the last time today.
The school, opened by Brian Blessed the famous mountain climber, actor, and shouter was the first performing arts school in Accrington in 1970. A down turn in people needing to bellow has done for the school, leaving Blessed a broken and humbled man. The weepy Thespian said: ‘I had all of that support from Kenny Branagh, a grant from the Arts Council to keep expanding on my classes in basic shouting, it was all going so well. But now, thanks to this Blessed Credit Crunch the people in Accrington Stanley will no longer learn how to bellow properly. It is a tragedy, I know that for sure’
Folders on Strike
Folders are now on strike. The useful stationary items no longer move properly, and will now be known as straights. This comes as a bitter blow to the stationary industry, as the Back to School Campaign’s in many high street shops are now in full swing.
Folders, with support from the union OFWAT (Of Folders, Wallets, and that) will strike between now and next Monday, with many folders refusing to work even now. This adds to the woes of Woolworths, who are already suffering from an absence of Pick and Mix sweets who are striking until gloves are available at all dispensers. A particularly distraught Jelly Baby said: ‘We get all of these kids coming in here with their grubby mitts and hands, feeling us and prodding us, and then they decide they only like the green ones. We taste the same, but no, only the green ones go. I am blue, but I just get left behind every-time, it is so demoralising, it really is.’
Wombles, the beloved species that tidy Wimbledon Common are now officially on the Endangered Species list.
The animals were added when Wimbledon Common was seen to be in a state of untidiness, and that the Wombles had not been seen for a while.
‘The industrious nocturnal species often keeps Wimbledon Common clean, but they have not been doing their job properly lately’ said Terry Nutkins, renowned Wildlife expert and television presenter. ‘We only ever saw five of them, and only one female, so we do worry that the species has died out completely. It could be like the Loch Ness Monster though. We only see a small number, but there could be hundreds of them all underneath London as we speak’.
David Cameron, leader of the Conservatives said: ‘I would be very saddened to hear of the demise of the Womble, a great species that made London famous for children in the 1970’s and 1980’s. It is a sad day when a Species dies, but at least we have something to remember them by. They always were a great example to our present Major, Boris Johnson, so their example lives on. Personally, I always thought they were vermin’
The views of many other people were not sort, as they may well have been busy.
Whispering Bob Harris and David Attenborough in Shout off
The quiet men of entertainment, Whispering Bob Harris, and David Attenborough today surprised many in the BBC Canteen with a shout off.
The two, who are very close friends said they were sick and tired of people not being able to hear them properly. Harris said: ‘For years, I have whispered when introducing John Martyn on the Old Grey Whistle Test. John Martyn was like the equivalent of Billy Connolly on Parkinson. Always on and always good entertainment. But, anyway, I forgot I could raise my voice above a whisper’
Attenborough continued: ‘I always whispered to avoid disturbing mating creatures or being attacked by a Bear or any angry Monkey, so I too forgot I could shout. So Bob and I thought, you know, wouldn’t it be a good laugh if we shouted in the canteen, just for a laugh, and to see who was loudest. Imagine the surprise in the canteen. Oh, it was hilarious, you should have been there’
Terry Wogan was there. He told us: ‘Loud, I’ll say. They were so loud my toupee got scared and is now hiding under the table’
Brian Blessed School of Acting Closes
The Brian Blessed school of acting in Accrington Stanley has shut it’s doors for the last time today.
The school, opened by Brian Blessed the famous mountain climber, actor, and shouter was the first performing arts school in Accrington in 1970. A down turn in people needing to bellow has done for the school, leaving Blessed a broken and humbled man. The weepy Thespian said: ‘I had all of that support from Kenny Branagh, a grant from the Arts Council to keep expanding on my classes in basic shouting, it was all going so well. But now, thanks to this Blessed Credit Crunch the people in Accrington Stanley will no longer learn how to bellow properly. It is a tragedy, I know that for sure’
Folders on Strike
Folders are now on strike. The useful stationary items no longer move properly, and will now be known as straights. This comes as a bitter blow to the stationary industry, as the Back to School Campaign’s in many high street shops are now in full swing.
Folders, with support from the union OFWAT (Of Folders, Wallets, and that) will strike between now and next Monday, with many folders refusing to work even now. This adds to the woes of Woolworths, who are already suffering from an absence of Pick and Mix sweets who are striking until gloves are available at all dispensers. A particularly distraught Jelly Baby said: ‘We get all of these kids coming in here with their grubby mitts and hands, feeling us and prodding us, and then they decide they only like the green ones. We taste the same, but no, only the green ones go. I am blue, but I just get left behind every-time, it is so demoralising, it really is.’
|
|
|
|
Comments by other Members
|
Other work by Tigger23:
|
