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Beyond Here (Chapter 2)

by groovygal2k 

Posted: 28 January 2008
Word Count: 1543
Summary: Chapter 2
Related Works: Beyond Here (Chapter 1) • 

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Chapter Two

The forest was breath-taking. Flowers of different colour’s and scents bloomed around the edges; tall trees growing delicious looking fruits were spread throughout with only a few feet between each, so there was enough clearing to walk around but not enough to have a party.
It was like walking into a secret garden, so beautiful and free, although there was a slight feeling as though they were invading somebody’s privacy.

The sky up above had changed from a light grey to light blue with a few fluffy clouds. Kayla could definitely feel the magic, even if Tom couldn’t.

“Now what?” said Tom, whilst looking up at the sky.
“What do you mean 'Now what?'? What did you expect? For there to be fireworks and a person to greet you at the entrance?” Kayla rolled her eyes at Tom. For someone who didn’t want to go to the forest, he’s sure making a big deal out of it.

“Of course not. I just thought it would be fancier than it is. What are you doing?” Tom looked at Kayla funny; she seemed to be rummaging for something in her pocket.

“Oh, hang on,” Kayla pulled out the stone “Hey, come here. I want to show you this.”
Tom looked at the stone.

“It’s a stone”

“Ah ha yes but not just any stone.” Kayla was trying to be mysterious, but she could tell it wasn’t working.

“A blue stone?”

“Yes a blue stone. Well its turquoise, and if you tip it this way it sparkles, see? Err, what I mean is, I got given this stone by an old man earlier. Your grandfather didn’t say anything to you about a magical stone of some sort did he?”
They both stared at the stone in awe.

“Erm, I don’t remember. He didn’t say a lot about anything to be honest.”
There was a rustle near by. “What was that?” Tom said as Kayla hid behind him.

They both looked around back to back. To anyone here, two 12year old kids alone in a big forest like this would be a rather stupid idea.

The noise was coming from behind a tree about 20 yards away. It could be a walker, Kayla supposed, but not many people tended to walk through this area, with all the rumours.

“Hello? Who, who’s there?” said Kayla, suddenly grabbing Toms hand.

They heard rustling getting louder, and as the noise got closer they saw that it was a little girl, no older than 5 dressed in a long top, staring at the two strange people in front of her, who were Kayla and Tom.
Kayla stepped out from behind tom and took 2 steps forward, making the little girl walk backwards with fright.

“Hello, my names Kayla. Are you on your own?' Kayla spoke with the softest of tones so as not to scare the girl away.

At first all the girl did was stare and then consider running away but then her mouth opened slightly and a quiet squeaky voice could be heard.

“Who are you? You shouldn't be here!”
Kayla and Tom both looked at each other in surprise that a young girl like her could speak so well but sound so young.

“How old are you little girl?” Kayla replied, worried.

“You shouldn't be here. Mummy and Daddy will hurt you. I won't tell if you go now.”

Kayla and Tom were scared now. What had they walked into that was so bad they would get hurt?

“Little girl, what is your name? And why should we go? It’s not like anyone owns this forest.”
Kayla was giving up on talking nicely to the girl. If she wouldn’t answer Kayla’s questions they why should Kayla herself be nice.

“My name is Lucyl, I am eight years old.” the girl replied.

“Hello Lucyl. Nice name. My name is Kayla and,” Kayla pointed at Tom standing a few steps behind her 'this is Tom' she said glaring at Tom to come forward.

“Like I said, you have to go. If my mum and dad catch you in here, they won’t like it at all. I’m not supposed to be wandering this far away anyway, but if they find out I’ve met trespassers, I’ll be grounded for life.” Lyrael stood there nervously twitching, looking around every few seconds.

“Err who you calling trespassers? It's a free world” Tom retorted.

“You're trespassing. Now go, I'm going to...”
Before Lyrael could finish, a net was thrown over Kayla and Tom before either of them could run. Two guards with swords across their waist and wearing camouflage outfits, ready for hunting were seen holding the neck of the net, holding the entrance closed.
“Hey, HEY! Let...us...Go!” Kayla and Tom shouted to the guards, trying her best to get free, but all attempt failed.

“Sorry love, no can do. Order’s, see. King wants anyone who doesn’t belong here, caught. And, anyone who lives here knows, me and Belus do as we're told.”

The guard who had said this was butch built. Tallish for a pudgy man and held his posture well, making it obvious he was proud to be serving the king. His king anyway.
“We've done nothing wrong. Please let us go!” Tom sobbed.

As Kayla and Tom stood there in the net holding them from moving anywhere, they looked over to Lyrael. She was in tears. Feeling the stone in her pocket as it comforted her, Kayla closed her eyes, letting her tears fall down her cheek as well. She had opened her eyes and……
Everything went dark and quiet for what felt like a long time.

“What happened?”

“Kayla? Where are you?”

There were no voices to be heard apart from heavy breathing. She was lying on ground at least and it was solid, she hadn’t fallen, had not been hit around the head. She couldn’t see a thing. She had opened her eyes hadn’t she, Kayla thought. What had she done wrong? All I did was close my eyes and, oh, oh dear.

“Tom, TOM?” she whispered, trying not to attract any unwanted attention, especially if they had company.

The smell of the air around them was clean unlike where they were a second ago. Unless they hadn’t moved but were unconscious instead?
But Tom had shouted out hadn’t he?

“Kayla? Is that you?” shouted tom again.
She felt around for some kind of life. As Kayla touched the ground she could feel leaves and small rocks, the texture of mud rubbing off on her hands. She dare move her body but she swore that she heard Toms voice. If she had, where was he then?

“Kayla, I can’t see a thing. Speak to me!” Tom said loudly.

“Tom? Where the hell are you? Have you got a torch or something?” spoke Kayla; she guessed there was just them two where ever they were.

“Yes, I do actually. Sorry.”
Tom searched in his backpack blinded. He knew he had one, but whether the battery still worked or not, was another matter.

Kayla could hear rustling near by and guessed it was tom feeling for his torch.
A minute later sudden light loomed into the air around them and they could both see.
They were sitting in a small cave. As tom guided the torch around the cave they could see that the cave was at least ten feet wide and long.

“Where do you think we are?” whispered tom

Kayla stood up slowly and walked over to the entrance to the cave and saw they were on a small cliff facing down to the forest. The view was amazing.

The tops of the trees were coloured like the rainbow across the forest. There was a river running down the middle and she could see some people hunched together, deep in conversation. They must be at least thirty feet high above the ground.

“I’d say we were on a cliff overlooking the forest.” Kayla answered back.

“What makes you say that?” said Tom, getting up and walking across to where Kayla was standing.

“Because… as you can see, we are indeed on a cliff, over looking the trees!” she retorted, waving her hand in the direction of the tree tops.

“Wow. It’s amazing! Err, I hate to be a pain, but how exactly did we get here? One minute we were trapped in a net and the next…” he trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Tom walked back over to the side of the cave where they had landed.
“I really can’t understand what happened. At least it got us away from them. Sit down, you look as tired as i feel!” he gestured to the space beside him and Kayla walked to the spot and sat down. She bent her knees and wrapped her arms around them.
It was cold in the small space they had and there was no way down unless a miracle happened again.

Kayla wasn’t packed well enough to last without washing facilities and her dirty blue t-shirt and black shorts weren’t exactly holding well.
Tom wasn’t much better off, wearing an old looking school shirt and ripped blue jeans he looked like he had been dragged through a hedge several times.

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Comments by other Members

toshi at 10:26 on 07 February 2008  Report this post
Hi Groovygal, sorry it has taken me so long to read your chapter. I can see that you have re -written part of the last chapter. I think it works much better. Your characters come across as both sympathetic and edgy, and you have filled in the background on Tom nicely, without overlabouring it. I like the idea of Kayla, a loud girl in the class teaming up with a quieter boy from school - they will both be able to learn a lot from each other.

Here are a couple of specific points.

Kayla turned around and faced the boy, who so rudely shouted at her.

‘And why not? What do you care?’ Kayla turned around to face the boy.

You have already said Kayla turned round to face the boy in the first sentence so you don't need to repeat it in the next. Also should it be "and faced the boy who had so rudely shouted at her"? (insert "had")

'Why did you run away? Oh sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I’m so nosy.’ she finally finished, after day dreaming.

You could delete from "she finally finished" to the end of this sentence. In fact the bit about day dreaming comes out of the blue, as it was not apparent from what had gone before, so you would need either to make more of that or just delete it. It works fine with just the dialogue.

‘Well, that’s nice of you. You’re not going in the forest are you?’ Tom asked nervously, standing a few feet behind Kayla, as she was walking away.

Well she could blind fold him and trick him into the forest, she thought to herself, but that would be mean. Kayla stopped and turned around, hands on hips.

Two sections start with "Well". I don't think you need to say "Well" in the first, as it would be fine just to say: "That's nice of you."

I hope that is of some help. Looking forward to finding out what happens when they finally make it into the Forest!

Best wishes

groovygal2k at 18:56 on 07 February 2008  Report this post
hey Toshi, thanks for your feedback. i will get on to fixing it straight away. i hope you get time to read chapters 3 and 4 (although not finished yet). im not sure how long this story will be, as i am writing when i get brain waves, i have a story line so to speak, but nothing planned out in stone. i just go with the flow.

SarahT at 22:51 on 22 February 2008  Report this post
Hi Groovygal,

Sorry, I didn't realise I'd missed this one. I never seem to catch you when you post! This chapter is much better than the last in terms of pace and style. There don't seem to be the same 'show and tell' problems. I couldn't see much to pick at. I think it sets up a good hook for the story later on. The only comment I have is that 'lazily' seems incongruous in the following:
Anyway, you can hang out with me if you like, I don’t mind' said Kayla, lazily.
It just doesn't fit in with the rest of Kayla's emotions.


groovygal2k at 21:36 on 26 February 2008  Report this post
Thanks Sarah, glad you liked it other than that. i will fix it.

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