OMAGH-AUGUST 1998
Posted: 10 October 2003
Word Count: 199
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They choke;scream,wrestle blind in blanket smoke
They shriek;sob,ghastly groans echo a helpless torment
Ghostly howls pierce putrid holes in dusted debris
Shock slices silent through shimmering haze of heat
Carcasses stripped of humanity,souls spewed on the street
Scorched skin scrapes from serrated bone
Balls of blood burst upon unforgiving stone
Juice of slaughtered flesh dripping down the drain
As they drink the Devil's cocktail,a septic mix of pain
A steaming molten mass of defecated bodies
Staggering,floundering,drunk at Hell's own party
The bomb blast buries the lives of twenty-nine
Denies the right to life for two unborn
Pushes an eternal cloud through time;that grows
A tumour on the hearts of those left behind
You are a facist,antique tyranny-and for what?
The open wound of ancestral hatred;belongs to your dead
You feed us a pathetic fable of the fight for freedom
But carnage,desolation,hypocrisy;are the only tales you tell
If only I could rip the throat from your violent politic
Yet I will never stoop to your vile and filth
Futility escapes with an absurd sanity
In the asylum;you are God's Chosen Few
So I pray to your God,may you meet with your Nemesis
And justice be served when She is done
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Comments by other Members
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 olebut at 09:04 on 12 October 2003
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this is raw emotive stuff in fact one of the most emotional pieces I have read on here I like very much some of you phrases
Devil's cocktail a septic mix of pain.
a tumour on the hearts
a superb poem which has a powerful message ( almost regardless of your political persuasion and could be related to many similar sad violent events) thank you for sharing it
david
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degas at 11:28 on 12 October 2003
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Thank-you David for your comments
This is my way of speaking up for the silent majority of people in N Ireland
We reject all violence from any section of our community I truely hope we have, at last, the beginnings of normality and real democratic freedoms expressed through correct channels of political engagement
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Ticonderoga at 12:26 on 12 October 2003
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A really bold, honest, disturbing and intensely moving piece. You really have given voice to the sense of outrage in the ordinary peson at the continued perpetration of these obscenities. As David said, it is universally applicable. Certainly the most potent poem I've yet read here.
Thanks,
Mike
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degas at 20:10 on 12 October 2003
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Mike
thank-you for your kind words.I appreciate that people outside of N Ireland do not judge our whole community by the negative coverage that seems to dominate UK media spin
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Ticonderoga at 23:18 on 12 October 2003
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Far from it. Indeed, having a long lasting interest in The Troubles, back to '16 and '22 and before, I, like many Celts in this part of the world, understand the origins and distortions and betrayals at work, even today. Easter 1916 found Irish women making cuos of tea for the British soldiers, for heaven's sake! It's never the people who do these things. I had lodgings on The Falls Road some years back when touring a play about The Pub Bombers and never felt anyting less than very welcome. That was a bit garbled, but I hope you see what I mean.
Best,
Mike
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olebut at 13:53 on 13 October 2003
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Degas
I pray you are right for the sake of all not just in Northern Ireland and Eire but for all of us,
david
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poemsgalore at 18:19 on 13 October 2003
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This brings all the pain and suffering of innocent people to our attention. It feels as though you are actually there experiencing the horror. Thank God I wasn't - but how terrible for those who were. Thanks for bringing it back to our minds, they must never be forgotten.
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degas at 20:26 on 13 October 2003
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right now; that's work over,baby to bed,fed and watered and half an hour before my wife wants me to watch a video with her- so whilst cory eastenders or some other cr...is on i'll do something worthwhile i hope!
mike
looked at your profile-must say being a complete amateur at this game it's given me a boost that you have shown an interest in my poem!
any tips!!!
cheers
colin
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peterxbrown at 00:38 on 15 October 2003
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Hi Degas,Murder is murder is murder. You have crystallised the horror of the Omagh carnage with frightening power and I admire your skill and passion.
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Ticonderoga at 13:16 on 19 October 2003
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Colin, I'm a complete amateur at the poetry bit a well. I've been writing the stuff for 30-odd years, but have never had the courage to do anything with it. If you want advice as to writing, I don't think you need much from me. Just read and read and read, look at the world and yourself honestly - 'cast a cold eye', in Yeats's phrase -, and write with the fewest, most honest and accurate words you can muster. But I don't think you need to be told that! Thanks for the compliment, though.
Best,
Mike
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 James Graham at 19:52 on 21 October 2003
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This carries conviction as an eloquent protest against a terrible atrocity and its perpetrators. But I can't help feeling you have overkill, especially in the first stanza. I'd be inclined to pare this down, just as an experiment, selecting some of the most telling phrases and building a poem of short lines. And with no punctuation at all - as it is, you have punctuation in some places and none in others.
E.g.
They choke
scream wrestle
blind
in blanket
smoke
Souls spewed
on the street
Juice
of slaughtered
flesh
Lines like this look very stark on the page, and display your striking turns of phrase. If you tried this and didn't like the result, the original would still be there! This short-line form produces a very different effect, not one you want perhaps. It suggests feelings of horror and anger strictly controlled, whereas your original suggests a spontaneous outpouring of feeling. Just a suggestion for a different direction to take some good material. But maybe you'd prefer to leave it as it is.
James.
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degas at 23:26 on 22 October 2003
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Hi James-thank-you for your comments
they will help me learn this wonderful craft! I will endeavour to try this approach ,take it forward, and see what happens
regards
Colin
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