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The Voice

by Brian Aird 

Posted: 12 December 2006
Word Count: 63


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my naked soul
held in its velvet hand
words flowing, tumbling
resonating into rhyme

the sound of wind and rain;
insistent syllables surging,
mental barriers lifting
opening doors

the creaking of old floorboards
footsteps in the hallway
wisdom whispered at night
finding weaknesses to mend

soft spoken love; a lover's tongue
touching me, healing me
for in that voice,
there is my home






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 21:57 on 12 December 2006  Report this post
Hi Brian. I keep reading this aloud; it's lovely - just gorgeous! I love the lack of capitals.

I'm bowled over.

joanie

Brian Aird at 07:53 on 13 December 2006  Report this post
Ah Joanie, sometimes I think you are the most reliable commentator on WW; you should host your own group! This is my first post for ages and I have to say, I've been finding it hard to write recently; let alone post comments myself. I injured my back and have only just progressed from 180 degrees to around 120; just enough to sit at the computer! I was used to getting my technical writing out of the way and do poetry in what time remains. Now, If I don't do poetry first it doesn't get done. I use a kneeler chair when I can to firm up the back muscles, but it hurts the knees!!! (Experts will probably be saying; people who have enough sex, don't injure their backs - what do they know anyway? :)

Brian

joanie at 11:07 on 13 December 2006  Report this post
Thanks for the comment, Brian! Oh, no! My husband has had back problems on and off for years ... I'm not telling him what you wrote in the brackets!!
I hope your back soon improves. Well done for writing; it helps, doesn't it?

joanie

James Graham at 15:29 on 14 December 2006  Report this post
Hello Brian. Good to see a new poem from you. I like a lot of things about this. An idea that you use very effectively is the force of the wind - which seems to be both real and metaphorical at the same time - lifting mental barriers, blowing through the imagination, bursting doors open. There's a strong sense of the energy of the creative imagination, quite 'stormy' at times. I'm not sure about the first two lines - a 'naked soul' holding words in a 'velvet hand' doesn't register very well with me as a description of the birth of a poem, and it doesn't seem to go with the storm imagery. But you may be able to point out a significance in these lines that I haven't seen.

I like too the change of atmosphere that happens in the second half. Against the background of the creative 'storm' we have a sensitive, quiet, intimate scene. The evocative footfalls and creaking floorboards add a lot to this, as do the excellent lines

wisdom whispered at night
finding weaknesses to mend


with their soft 'w' alliteration and assonance of find/mend adding musicality to the meaning of the lines, and helping to convey that something true is being said here.

James.

Brian Aird at 15:54 on 14 December 2006  Report this post
Thanks Graham. As ever you comment beautifully. Makes returning here a joy. I'l think about the opening. I think I could have added more verses to bring across more qualities of the voice itself. The point should be just re-membering that voice brings all the associations of home and feeling wanted, valued, cared for etc. Only in this sense does my 'naked soul' (echoing my own vulnerability) feel confortable when the voice is recalled as a 'velvet hand' (soft, gentle and safe - but with a slight sensuous overtone, picked up again in the last verse).

Brian


Tina at 08:51 on 29 December 2006  Report this post
Hi Brian

Late to this - as I am late to just about everyones poems at the mo - not had much time to write either. Sympathies about your back - have had long time back problems myself (since age 14) and so know what it is like to be at 180 degrees. Maybe you should write a poem about it - 180 degrees is a great title!

Anyway I liked your poem - especially its softness and these lines:


[quote] soft spoken love; a lover's tongue
touching me, healing me
for in that voice,
there is my home [quote]

Many thanks and I hope 07 brings better health

Tina



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